The Pirates Are Finally In Second: A Retrospective Of 18 Losing Seasons

By: 07.06.11

2000 – Yankees, blah blah blah. The Pirates failed to start fresh in the sort-of-new-millennium, finishing 5th in the NL Central with a 69-93 record. Over in San Fran, Bonds recovered from injury with almost superhuman results. Winning the MVP once again, Bonds hit a career-best 49 homeruns. He also stole just 11 bases, which marked a career low at that point. But he was also weighing over 220-pounds at this point, so he must have been dealing with recovery weight. Thankfully, the world of sports was able to continue on after the Y2K bug failed to destroy everything we loved.

2001 – The Yankees failed at winning a fourth-consecutive World Series thanks to a band of rapscallion no-gooders known as the Arizona Diamondbacks. The Pirates went a different direction and tied the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for the worst record in the league at 62-100, as they ignored the idea of starting fresh in the new millennium again. Bonds won the MVP award again, as he hit 73 homeruns, 3 more than McGwire’s record-setting season in 1998. Gee, he must have worked out a whole bunch. Nerds didn’t care, though, because they were busy watching Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.

2002 – The Anaheim Angels and their Rally Monkey defeated Bonds’ Giants 4-3 in an incredibly exciting World Series, while Bonds’ old team, the Pirates, finished 17 games below .500. Bonds hit just a modest 46 homeruns that season, but he suddenly decided to hit .370, which was .034 higher than his previous highest BA. On the music scene, Canada’s favorite snaggle tooth, Avril Lavigne gave us the instant classics “Complicated” and “Sk8ter Boi”. GRRRRR SHE’S SO PUNK ROCK!

2003 – In just their 11th season as a franchise, the Marlins defeated the Yankees to win their second World Series, this time with an actual team that wasn’t put together with gigantic checks and contracts. The Pirates improved on their 2002 results, finishing just 12 games under .500. Bonds won another MVP award with 45 homeruns and a .341 average. He may have also been moonlighting as a NFL defensive end, but he also received some attention for his association with BALCO. CBS also debuted Two and a Half Men as a comedy, despite having zero jokes.

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