The Pirates Are Finally In Second: A Retrospective Of 18 Losing Seasons

By: 07.06.11

2007 – The Red Sox won another World Series and their fans, after decades of labeling Yankees fans arrogant and obnoxious, became ironic. The Pirates finished with the worst record in the NL at 68-94 and rope and razor blades were banned from being sold in Pittsburgh. Bonds hit 28 homeruns in what became his final season, and it was special because he broke Aaron’s all-time record while people booed him. He also tested positive for amphetamines and was indicted on perjury and obstruction of justice charges. In music, Robert Goulet died and the world mourned.

2008 – The Philadelphia Phillies crushed the dreams of the low-payroll Tampa Bay Rays by defeating them in the World Series, and the Pirates crushed no dreams or hopes by once again finishing 28 games below .500. Bonds, weighing in at more than 230-pounds by some estimates, was unofficially black-listed. Breaking Bad debuted on AMC and Matt Ufford’s erection has not subsided since.

2009 – The Yankees ended a smaller drought by knocking off the Phillies in the World Series, and the Pirates (62-99) sent the Washington Nationals a fruit basket for being the worst team in baseball. On the big screen, Avatar made James Cameron an even wealthier man, but it was funny to watch his ex-wife Kathryn “Bam Bam” Bigelow win the Academy Award for Best Director for The Hurt Locker.

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