Hulk Hogan made an appearance on Richard Bacon’s BBC radio show yesterday via telephone, and I just don’t know why we don’t let the Hulkster have a bigger say in handling the world’s problems. Bacon (mmmmmm) asked Hulk for his opinion on the ongoing riots throughout England and the answer was simply perfect.
“You know, it doesn’t really matter if Hulk Hogan’s over there body slamming all the youth like I did Andre the Giant but, at the end of the day, we need to grab these kids, shake them, and say ‘Stop. Regroup. Just look at yourself in the mirror. Is this what you want the mirror image of your life to be? Is this what you want your destiny to be?”
“Now it’s time to change directions. Even if the state has to step in and really focus on getting these kids back on track. But, you know what? I will do anything because I love my UK Hulkamaniacs.”
(Listen for yourself after the jump, brothers!)
There you go, the Hulk will do anything. Seriously, he’ll do anything you need him to do. Have you seen his divorce settlement? The Hulkster will also celebrate his 58th birthday tomorrow with the unveiling of his daughter Brooke’s nude PETA ad. I hope you already had breakfast.
Meanwhile, it seems that England’s most level-headed citizens have the right idea in fighting back against the looters and rioters. Sure, they’ve always been adverse to our love of guns, but that hasn’t stopped them from borrowing from America’s pastime. Sales of baseball bats have soared through the roof on Amazon over the past few nights, with some models and types jumping as much as 8,000%. Said one business owner of his Amazon purchase:
This bat is perfectly weighted and will suit any UK shop-owner looking to protect their property.
Thanks to the ergonomic handle, one easy swing should be enough to shatter patellas, skulls or any other bone on your targeted looter. Personally, I would recommend also investing in some fingerless gloves for extra grip. (Via Huffington Post)
Of course they’re also buying up other weapons like billy clubs, ASPs, nunchakus, and apparently hand shovels (below), but I’m hoping that maybe when they’re done being bludgeoned for destroying buildings and stealing from honest businesses, London’s youth will use the bats to enjoy baseball. You know, after they’re locked up and receive some “prison justice” for a few years.