Brock Lesnar Murdering Things - I learned to love him as Paul Heyman’s cocky frat supermonster, I learned to love him as a faux-Minnesota Viking and now I must learn to love him again as a guy who systematically does everything I don’t like. I bet he thinks “Scrubs” is the funniest show ever. Ugh, come on, Brock. [With Leather]
And You Guys Thought Kate Upton Was Fat - About halfway through I thought to myself “okay, she shouldn’t be a minstrel for fat people but at least she’s smiling, whatever makes her happy, I guess” and then I got to the nearly-naked photos. When your body starts to look like a snow-fallen tree you should reevaluate your life. [With Leather]
UA Panhellenic Board Recruitment Video 2011 - I’m proud to say this post got its first “you don’t like this because you’re JEALOUS” comment last night, and I wanted to go ahead and share that with everybody. Update for that commenter: When I was in college I wanted to sleep with the hot artsy college girls, not these high school leftovers. [With Leather]
The Dugout: Thome at 600 - Any chance Thome’s career gets a second wind, and he hits like .320 next season and gives us a reason to think he’ll make it to 700? Because that would be awesome. I really want to write “Jim Thome at 800″, while we’re at it. [With Leather]
Elsewhere On Uproxx
Suge Knight Disses Diddy…in 2011 - Sort of like the Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior of rap music. You would’ve wanted to see it decades ago, but even then you didn’t really take them seriously. [Smoking Section]
Frotcast 61: Punte, Clips from Vince’s Stand Up Comedy, The Val Kilmer Song Title Game - I’m doing the test run of my podcast tonight! Yeahhh! While I’m doing that, please enjoy professionals who know how to do it and don’t have to stare at a microphone for two weeks beforehand. [Film Drunk]
Justin Bieber’s Concert in Mexico Sells Out, Fans Lose Their Sh*t - Idol worship is pretty awesome. Bieber should start trying to heal people. Touch them in the forehead, make them fall down, that kind of thing. Worst case scenario, he should talk more about Jesus. [Warming Glow]
The Amazing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Art of David Rapoza - I would pay good money for a cartoon that looked like this. Come for the April O’Neil, stay for f**king Wingnut and Screwloose. [Gamma Squad]
17 Promising Actors Who Never Lived Up to Their Potential - I don’t know why Elisha Cuthbert is on this list. Sure, she was pretty gorgeous at one point, but anybody who watched “24″ knows her potential was “show nipples”. Actual recommendation for the list: Thora Birch. Where the hell are you, Thora? [Pajiba]
89 Things I Learned at the Gathering of the Juggalos - I like that ICP brings in black celebrities to make their racist county fair look multicultural. Guess what? Racist white people LOVE black celebrities, they just hate the black people they see every day. And Obama. [Buzzfeed]
The 30 Harshest Musician on Musician Insults - I hope Eminem’s “nobody listens to Techno!” to Moby made the list. No I don’t, that was the weakest thing ever. 15 years later there are 38 techno songs on the American top 40. The only rapper on the list is Lil Wayne, and he’s singing a tender ballad. [FARK]
The Hottest New Action Stars of 2011 - I saw The Help last night, so I want to nominate Viola Davis for this. Watch her run. That sh*t is TENSE. Best scared woman run since Judy Garland. [Moviefone]
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