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The 14 Most Awesometacular Morning Links

By 08.30.11

This one should actually be on the list.


Your Nostalgia Is Killing You: The 30 Worst TV Theme Songs of All Time – I’m going to start off with two list posts that put me at odds with the people I write with at Uproxx. This isn’t “worst theme songs”, it’s any theme song you can remember, and half of them are awesome. [UPROXX]

The 8 Most Nauseating Disney Channel Shows of All Time – The second list is from Jason, a person I don’t know, who sh*t-talks The Suite Life of Zack and Cody AND, AND Dumbo’s Circus. Talk bad about Dumbo’s Circus again and I will literally kill you. [Warming Glow]

Planned Parenthood: 5 Jay-Z Songs About Becoming a Dad – I hope 99 Problems gets rewritten to suggest that a bitch IS one of his problems. [Smoking Section]

7 Monstrous Cthulhu Tattoos: The Evil Being Awakens Human Skin – People will get anything tattooed on them. I want to get the volcano from the old Dianetics commercial. [Gamma Squad]

The Internet Responds to Hurricane Irene with Typical Class and Grace – Slightly less disrespectful than running around with your middle fingers in the air while a reporter tells you to stay inside. [UPROXX]

Mila Kunis Loves World of Warcraft – No she doesn’t. Don’t buy this. Olivia Munn doesn’t like video games either. Morgan Webb likes video games because she liked them before she was supposed to. [Gamma Squad]

Never Nude for a Good Cause – The most important link on this list. Donate money, if you can. I’m going to donate money as soon as I start getting paid. [Warming Glow]

George Lucas’s Daughter Beats Up a Japanese Chick – Additionally, George Lucas has been beating the sh*t out of the rest of us since like 1995. [Film Drunk]

T.I. Reportedly to Be Released from Prison on Wednesday – You know it ain’t nothin’ for him to drop a couple stacks on you. Stacks of what, I’m not sure. [Smoking Section]

Matthew Fox Punched a Lady in the Crotch – Suddenly 10 million Chris Brown fans put “Lost” on their Netflix queue. [FARK]

5 Petty Acts That Somehow Violated NCAA Rules – I hope “attempting to demonize deacons” is on here somewhere. Also, “tarring one’s heels”. [The Smoking Jacket]

When Did America Develop Better Taste in Movies Than the Rest of the World? – When we stopped assuming “what people watch a lot” meant “what people like”. I’ve seen two of three Transformers movies in the theater, but they didn’t taste good. [Moviefone]

7 Bizarre Ancient Contraception Techniques – Number eight: Having Brandon’s 7th grade haircut. [Buzzfeed]

The 5 People and Things on Network TV I Miss the Most Right Now – 1. Freaks and Geeks, 2. Paramore music videos, 3. The Bozo Show with the proper Bozo from my childhood, 4. Cookie from the Bozo Show, 5. Cuddly Dudley. [Pajiba]


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