The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 8/1

By: 08.02.11

Best: Miz And R-Truth

I want to see Miz and Truth tagging all the time. There, I said it. Far too often wrestlers arbitrarily team up with other good guys or bad guys regardless of previous relationships (“hey randy orton you once handcuffed me to the ring post and beat my heart in with a stick, but tonight we gotta face TED DIBIASE AND CODY RHODES so CAN I COUNT ON YOU HERE TONIGHT”, etc.), but Miz and Truth managed to establish their dynamic in the backstage segment without compromising either’s character. Truth is still a pretty nice guy if you don’t openly insult him, and Miz is the kind of guy who’d rather insinuate an insult than result to the YOU’RE WORTHLESS stuff that took a year to build and made Alex Riley punch him in the face. So Miz wants Truth to leave, but he won’t be forceful enough about it to make Truth’s eyes bug out. That translated into a cohesive tag team that made sense and could get a clean win over Rey Mysterio and John Morrison.

That’s the key — they got a clean win. It wasn’t even that underhanded, for once. I got so used to Miz only winning when Alex Riley jumped in and simultaneously bumped eight refs that wins in the championship tournament seemed shocking, and hell, even when he was being pushed Truth didn’t get to pin people clean with his finisher. But there they are, winning, exchanging YEAH WE DID IT MOTHERF**KERS hand slaps and chest bumps. This is good. Also good is a lengthy (for Raw … well, for THIS Raw) tag team match with crisp wrestling and a hot crowd who are SO HAPPY that John Morrison twisted his body over the top rope and slapped somebody with his fingertips on the way down.

Worst: Again, How Is Michael Cole Helping

Here’s a quick rundown of how Michael Cole feels about the wrestlers in this match:

R-Truth: Goofball, because he’s crazy.
John Morrison: Goofball, because he does parkour.
Rey Mysterio: A loser for only holding the WWE Championship for an hour and a half, probably a goofball.

So Truth gets buried on commentary for having a character, Morrison gets buried for having a hook, Mysterio gets buried FOR WINNING THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP and The Miz gets inadvertently buried because Cole won’t stop screaming about him, causing us to never want to see or hear him again. This is both teams in a tag team match. Even if Cole wants to do the “THESE MEN ARE NERDS, KING” thing, shouldn’t he pick a side, or at least not openly criticize R-Truth while he’s on The Miz’s team? If Michael Cole had been a part of the Invasion of Normandy he would’ve stood up on the boat, declared the Germans goofballs, then turned around and berated Allied troops because love of country is something nerds do.

Best: John Morrison Got Got

Don’t get me wrong, John Morrison should be buried, preferably with dirt.

In all seriousness, I think tag team wrestling is where Morrison needs to stay. His wacky Tekken offense works well when he’s been standing on the apron for a while and can run in and pull it off because he’s fired up and everyone else is tired (and possibly unable to think or move). I liked him a lot as part of MNM and loved him with Miz, and only started to turn on him when he wrestled by himself and started being stupid as sh** and saying things like “hippopotamus breath”. I’m going to give him another “Best” for his stomping on the ring steps, because it worked really well and got the crowd clapping in perfect unison. Keep in mind that Indianapolis is the crowd that spent the first 20 minutes of the show chanting “Pee Em Sunkspee Em Spunk”, so this is a notable accomplishment.

Worst Worst Worst: Triple H Telling Josh He Needs To Shave

I am not going to devote two sentences to this horsesh*t, so I need to work both “this is the kind of crap a sad restaurant manager pulls on employees to make himself feel important” and “how stupid is it to condescend on somebody for not shaving thoroughly when you have a full beard and spent two years passing off muttonchops as a mustache because you’re a mark for musicians” into one.

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