Best: Alberto Del Rio Versus The Little She Wha-Wha
I don’t want this to turn into the Best and Best of Alberto Del Rio, but last night’s WWE Championship match was very good and another example of how Rey Mysterio can have a scarecrow’s knees and still outwrestle the world. I am in love with the idea of a championship level WWE heel who doesn’t ever need to cheat. Cheating is overrated. Even Triple H had to bump referees and uses sledgehammers clandestinely and he is giant and tough. Del Rio isn’t afraid to be opportunistic and take shortcuts, and that’s exactly the kind of guy you want the good guys to chase — a guy who can legitimately beat them in the ring and is willing to do anything to prove it. Ric Flair was like that in his glory days. He’d hold your trunks and put his feet on the ropes, but he rarely got away with it, and he even more rarely brought out his 10 best friends to gang attack whoever was about to beat him. The Horesemen attacked guys, but they mostly did it backstage, or in the parking lot, or when accosted by a plucky face. They didn’t just hang around and keep Flair from losing. He could beat guys like Magnum T.A. himself, he just needed to be shifty about it.
Del Rio beat Mysterio clean, one two three, in the middle of the ring in the middle of San Diego. That’s what needs to happen so when you’re talking to an eight-year old screaming DEL RIO SUCKS at a WWE show you can say “no he doesn’t, he beat Rey Mysterio and he didn’t cheat or anything”. They don’t have a comeback for that. That’s what gets them mad enough to keep caring and watching. Nobody takes the Miz seriously, not even people like me who love him, because he never won matches. He just held the WWE title and switched out to Alex Riley like they were playing f**king Marvel vs. Capcom when his lifebar got low.
A Desperate Plea: Keep The Belt On Del Rio
I know the temptation is to put the belt back on Cena at Night of Champions, but I want to urge any WWE writers or important persons reading to try and keep the WWE Championship on Alberto Del Rio for as long as possible. He needs it. Cena doesn’t need it, Orton is a 38-time champion, Undertaker stopped needing conventional means of wrestling heat 10 years ago. Triple H makes people cheer by standing still, CM Punk is popular enough now to throw knees at Kevin Nash’s sternum and still sell t-shirts. Del Rio is precisely the guy who NEEDS the title for legitimacy, and by keeping it and winning matches cleanly without being nice or humble about it he can cement himself AND the championship as important obstacles in another wrestler’s life.
And I really like Ricardo Rodriguez.
Best: Wait A Minute, Where’s John Cena
Oh sh*t, I just noticed that we’re two hours into the show and Cena hasn’t shown up yet. That’s weird, I wonder if he’ll show up next week and
Worst: Oh, Wait, There He Is
John Cena being serious and not telling jokes is great. That is a given.
The problem here is that Cena’s thirty-ish seconds of talking pretty much railroaded everything else going on and made him look like confused, deluded, and more like a crybaby than he’s ever managed to look. Consider: CM Punk isn’t mad at Alberto Del Rio for cashing in Money in the Bank because he’s done it that way before and understands that it’s the nature of the beast. Cena is SUPER PISSED at Del Rio for cashing in (“A BRIEFCASE~!!!”), saying he’s “not a champion”. He wasn’t even the guy Del Rio cashed in on. Has Cena not paid attention to the last five years of WWE? He’s had the thing cashed in on HIM multiple times and he never got as upset about it as he was last night. He looked like he was going to pop a vein. Consider: Cena says Del Rio is “gonna have to defend the WWE Championship one day” to prove that he’s a real champion, but Rey Mysterio is lying in the background hurt because Del Rio beat him clean for 20 minutes and tried to break his arm. Does Del Rio have to defend against CENA for it to count? Consider: The railroading of Rey Mysterio continues, because Alberto Del Rio won a number one contenders match AND a Money in the Bank ladder match to legally cash in a contract and win the WWE Championship. John Cena lost the WWE Championship (cleanly, again) to CM Punk at Money in the Bank, only beat Rey Mysterio for it two weeks later AFTER REY HAD JUST WRESTLED FOUR MATCHES IN TWO WEEKS and was on his fifth, a f**king hour after winning the belt.
Consider that Cena’s insistence on never giving up has caused him to misdirect his anger. Remember when the CM Punk/John Cena issues first started, over Punk’s spilled diet soda? What did Punk say? He said Cena takes things too far. He said Cena beat Batista but it wasn’t good enough, he had to take it too far and Attitudinally Adjust Batista through the stage to hurt him. Cena is so bent out of shape about getting f**ked around on Raw and at Summerslam that he’s lashing out, and he can’t take his anger out on his bosses because he’s the Company Man … so he finds the first morally questionable guy he can and tries to end his life. That’s Cena. The world in black and white, with too much black and not enough white. Del Rio’s just an aristocrat playing by the rules and being a dick about it. Is that enough to warrant “your destiny is John Cena whipping your ass”? I don’t think it is.
But you? You already knew that.