Maybe The Biggest Worst Ever: “Air Boom”
Sigh. Ghan-Am Connection was right there.
I don’t know how to explain the badness of Air Boom, other than to say portmanteau team names are the worst. Air Boom sounds like something I should be buying from Billy Mays. It’s like a child who has farted on a plane and can’t express itself. And the worst part is that they still didn’t enter together, they didn’t have matching gear, they didn’t have a graphic on the screen reading “Air Boom”. They were still “Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne”. They aren’t Air Boom on the videos the next day, either. Why is this happening? They could’ve called them the Even Newer Midnight Express and it would’ve been better. Exciting Evan and Kinetic Kofi. At least they weren’t “Team” something. WE KNOW YOU’RE A TEAM YOU DON’T EVER HAVE TO BE TEAM SOMETHING.
Next week they’re gonna enter 10 minutes apart and be announced as Team Air Boom, f**king watch.
Best: Kick Jerry Lawler’s Ass, Somebody
David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty confronting Jerry Lawler might’ve been my favorite moment on the show. Lawler absolutely buried the match alive, saying that if Otunga wasn’t married to Jennifer Hudson he’d be working fast food … you know, even though Otunga is a graduate of Harvard Law School, something that has been said more than once on WWE television and is a great reason WHY he’s married to somebody like Jennifer Hudson. So Otunga got in his face, shut him up, ripped off his headset and made him look like the same ineffectual old racist asshole who lost to Michael Cole 45 consecutive times to start the year. This needed to happen, and more wrestlers need to say “who do you think you are” to Lawler, because honestly, Gordon Solie didn’t like it when you cheated, but he didn’t keep calling you a piece of sh*t behind your back.
And then we pan out, and there’s Michael McGillicutty, bless his heart, mumbling under his breath about the beginning of the exodus of the start of something, spilling diet soda all over Jim Ross. I loved that. Ross should just come to the shows naked and shrink-wrapped so people will stop ruining his clothes.
Best: After A Dangerous Attempt At Roller Derby, Beth Phoenix Is Smoking Hot Again
I’m going to give Beth Phoenix and Natalya (upcoming team name: Glamazon Hart Foundation) a best this week specifically for Beth’s corset type thing we didn’t get a good enough look at that made me go “oh, hey” and watch closely. Of course, they get a secret Worst for being absolutely the most pornographic actresses in WWE. Natalya’s “people say we are jealous of them, Beth, be we aren’t not!!” type of read keeps getting worse, and her repeated insistence that they aren’t jealous of Kelly despite nobody ever saying they were reveals two truths:
1. The entire angle is going to be about how they are jealous of Kelly, which is stupid on like fourteen different levels, because seriously, and
2. The Kharma angle was going this way too.
Kharma was totally beating up pretty Divas because she was secretly jealous of them, the idea we all came up with off the top of our heads and said “nah, that wouldn’t be great”. But no, here we are, with a gorgeous, multiple-time Women’s Championship holding bodybuilder and her friend who is related to f**king Bret Hart are passive-aggressively jealous of a Hawaiian Tropic model exhibitionist in a candy cane bra who was around for five years before winning anything and her friend, Bosom Buddies Primo.
If this ends with Beth Phoenix being called fat, I swear to God.
Worst: What Happened To Keith Stone Nerfing Twin Magic
I honestly can’t believe the Bella Twins won a match with Twin Magic on Raw in 2011. I can’t even get upset about it. At some point even the Killer Bees had to reevaluate their lives. Kelly and Eve (and frankly every single referee, announcer, whoever) should know this is coming and easily stop it. You don’t need a marker to tell the Bellas apart … if you can’t tell which one is the hot one (Nikki), just have Jim Ross or whoever throw up a signal when EVERYONE IN THE ARENA AND THE VIDEO TAPING CAMERAS see them switch so you referee can go “okay, get out of the ring”. It’s not that hard. Or have Triple H pull them aside and say “I’m reversing every decision you win like this” and make them at least crawl under the ring to switch like they used to.
Remember, you are the girls who got over with the Zach Gowen “whoops, he’s only got one leg” moment, except your sister was the fake leg.