Best: Sheamus Just Rag Tagged That Boy Khali Right There
Two bests involved here:
1. Sheamus continues to be the easiest dude in WWE to cheer for by showing up and hammerfisting people without a lot of pointing and catchphrases.
2. The Great Khali is probably the best jobber ever, and is doing Viscera’s job of being the Ridiculously Large Guy Who Loses To Everyone way better than Viscera ever did.
I’m telling you, the moment “OIL FOIT ‘IM” came out of Sheamus’s mouth he was a made man. I can’t find it in me to boo him for anything, whether he’s Brogue Kicking the heads off of things on Conan or Pearl Harboring Triple H with one of those oversized novelty WWE lead pipes. The fact that he looks like he could kill you helps, and not in that Cena way where it looks like he’s spent too much time trying to look good on TV. He looks like a guy who might’ve been roaming a hill somewhere 500 years ago. And Khali has finally found a workable way to contribute to WWE, because when he falls down awkwardly it’s okay — a guy that big is gonna fall awkwardly no matter what happens. We don’t know what guys that big falling down is SUPPOSED to look like. It’s not like when Ashley Massaro does a sunset flip and ends up wedged on Torrie Wilson’s back for 15 terrifying seconds. Khali’s size makes him a weapon, but his limited mobility and attack options make him a believable victory for someone. That’s why it’s better than Viscera. Am I supposed to believe that Jeff Hardy grazing Viscera’s gigantic f**king stomach with his head should be enough to put a guy that size down? God, no. But do I believe that Great Khali can have his ribcage busted up by a guy who could rip the ring apart with his bare hands? Yes, yes I do. It’s a sliding scale that starts with Sid Vicious snapping his leg in half and slides all the way down to El Gigante bugging out his eyes and nodding his head when someone touches him.
Worst: Hahaha Sheamus Doesn’t Give A Sh*t About Your Fake Fighting
In a continuing theme from last night (where Sheamus was supposed to have broken ribs but sprinted out to confront Mark Henry and punched himself in the chest 40 times to celebrate), Sheamus got jumped by Jinder Mahal after the match and beaten up pretty thoroughly by Mahal and Khali only to completely ignore it, destroy everybody and pose. And right, again, I like Sheamus, but dude, what is going on? It goes deeper than people arguing about how much someone should sell or their “facials”, and it’s even worse than Cena getting adrenaline rushes and hitting a bunch of Over 9000 moves. This is a wrestler entirely forgetting that he’s performed wrestling. He’s that friend who interrupts your match to announce OH MAN HERE HE COMES HE’S GOING FOR HIS MOVE and tries to powerbomb you or something out of nowhere. And you’re like DUDE I’VE BEEN STOMPING YOU FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES and he doesn’t hear you because he’s making crowd noises.
I don’t expect Sheamus to hold his neck like John Morrison (or his lower back like Rob Van Dam) every time somebody tries to hurt him, but man, you’re going to turn into something from M.U.S.C.L.E. if you don’t let people start hurting you.
Worst: Jinder Mahal Is The Misinformed Fan’s Interpretation Of Alberto Del Rio
For those of you who don’t watch Smackdown on the reg, Jinder Mahal is a brown gentleman of notable size who speaks in a foreign language, wrestles in little white trunks and is not really that great. Unfortunately, this is what most of you think of when you think of Alberto Del Rio. I got comments on this week’s Best and Worst of Raw saying the best part was that Alberto Del Rio wasn’t there, and I can’t explain it. Alberto Del Rio is a five tool player (wrestling ability, mic skills, charisma, jumping, winking) and the only reasons I can think of for you not enjoying him are “you haven’t been paying attention” or “you don’t like Mexican people”. I don’t want it to be the second one, so I HAVE to think it’s that you aren’t paying attention.
Maybe you are thinking of Jinder Mahal. He just sorta stomps around and uses a full nelson slam as his finishing move, and the only thing more damning than a goddamn full nelson slam is Roll Of The Dice. His version of Ricardo Rodriguez once killed a guy and can only say “bleargh”. He’s the love child of Test and Sonjay Dutt. Is this the guy you’re thinking of? Because Alberto Del Rio is the best thing to happen to WWE in years, and you should wear your glasses when you watch wrestling.
Worst: Green Day Is Terrible
I thought this needed its own section. You guys are making me miss Nickelback, Green Day, get it together.