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The Dugout: A-Rod's Violent Gambling Parties

By / 08.04.11

It looks like Alex Rodriguez is going to be in a lot of trouble. Well, a little trouble. Okay, no trouble whatsoever.

Via ESPN, who can get their own hyperlinks:

Major League Baseball is taking “very seriously” the allegations that Alex Rodriguez took part in some illegal, underground poker games, one of which reportedly turned violent, and he could face suspension if his participation in the games is confirmed.

“We take this very seriously and have been investigating this matter since the initial allegation,” MLB said in a statement. “As part of the investigation, the commissioner’s office will interview Mr. Rodriguez.”

Of course, no investigation would be necessary if Major League Baseball would just moderate their own chatrooms. Today The Dugout has an exclusive look at Alex Rodriguez’s sexy dangerous parties in the seedy underbelly of high-stakes poker. Man, I’m going to get him in so much trouble. I feel like Sports By Brooks!

The Dugout

  **Online Host**
Welcome to the Underground Poker Game Chatroom!
 
homosexual_rod: /smokes cigar in totally masculine way  

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /lays down card in middle of table

yellow last card

 
homosexual_rod: WHAT ARE JOO DOINGK THIS IS POKER  

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wait what

aw well shat no wonder i been losen i thought we was playen handy manny uno cards

 
homosexual_rod: HOW COUL JOO THINGK THAT JOO JUST LAID DOWN A FOUR  

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: right but, i thought these was handy manny uno cards, the four looks like the wrench

the wrench from the handy manny show

 

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wrenchy

 
homosexual_rod: IS A FOUR  
WordUpThome: GO FORTH AND FISH  
homosexual_rod: BOY I SWURR  
WordUpThome: HA HA JUST JOKES, FRIEND, I KNOW WHAT GAME WE’RE PERFORMING, IT’S POKER CARDS, RIGHT  
homosexual_rod: IS JUST CALLED POKER  
WordUpThome: HIT ME  

CharlieHustle: /rolls a dice
/takes a chance

 
homosexual_rod: DOES NOBODY HERE KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER  
WordUpThome: MY FRIEND DID  
homosexual_rod: I KEEKED JOOR FRIEND OUT FOR A REASON JEEM  
WordUpThome: YOU SAID WE NEEDED A FIFTH  
homosexual_rod: HE’S ANTI-SEMITIC  
IM_HerbertMoon: I can assure you there is nothing Jewish-made in this establishment, sir.  
WordUpThome: HE’S GREAT AT POKER CARDS  
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: lol no he’s not i have literally killed him in a duel steeming from a poker cards dispute at least 100 times  
homosexual_rod: EES ANYBODY HERE CHEWISH, RAISE JOOR HAND  
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: im a morman  
WordUpThome: I AM AS CHRISTIAN AS SINGER-SONGWRITER MARC COHN THE NIGHT HE PLAYED WITH MURIEL AT THE HOLLYWOOD  
CharlieHustle: i might be jewish  
homosexual_rod: OGAY FINE WE CAN PLAY  

CharlieHustle: /nudges Herbert Moon

say, referesh my memory does a king high flush beat the cincinnati reds

 
IM_HerbertMoon: I’M HERBERT MOOOON  

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: alex, 2 queeries

 
homosexual_rod: YES  
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: 1) is major motion picture actress cameron diaz here  

homosexual_rod: OH JOO MEANT QUESTIONS

NO SHE ONLY HANGS AROUND WITH aRAH WHEN WE’RE IN PUBLIC, WHY

 
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i wanted to say how much i hated shrek part 3 strate to her f**ken ghoul face  
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: 2) pete rose just laid down a jack of spades an tapped it but he didnt turn it sideways, is the jack of spades in play  
CharlieHustle: awww horsemanship  
homosexual_rod: WE ARE PLAYINGK POKER  
WordUpThome: HIT ME  

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: k

/flips over table
/starts throwing punches

 
  **Online Host**
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has accidentally struck IM_HerbertMoon.
 
IM_HerbertMoon: AHHHHH /runs away  
  **Online Host**
IM_HerbertMoon has left the chatroom.
 

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: argh i hate the targeting system of real life

al you better go stop him, he’s gonna tell the police

 
homosexual_rod: WHAT DONT BE RADICKOLOUS  
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: no seriously go stop him or he’ll tell the marshalls and youll get in trouble for this illegal poker game  

homosexual_rod: WHAT ARE JOO TALKINGK ABOUT

 
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: welp, too late now  
  **Online Host**
LadyCop has entered the chatroom.
 
LadyCop: /starts firing gun at people indiscriminately  
homosexual_rod: AHHH AHHHHHHHH  
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: see  
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com

TAGSalex rodriguezBaseballGAMBLINGJIM THOMEKYLE FARNSWORTHLADYCOPMLBNEW YORK YANKEESPETE ROSETHE DUGOUT

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