David Beckham and his son Brooklyn, who probably already has a line of groupies as long as the Autobahn what with his lavish birthday parties at Harry Potter’s castle, hit the beach in Malibu last week and, well, there’s not much you can really say about Beckham that hasn’t been said before. Despite having a voice that could shatter diamonds, Becks is considered pretty fun to look at by the ladies, so I thought we’d take a trip out to Malibu to please our lady girls.
I’m not sure I really understand the hat in the water look, as water tends to shrink and warp hats, but I suppose when you’re worth more money than whatever god they worship in England, you probably have a separate bank account just for hats. Either that or he’s going bald. In fact, if I were bitter and self-conscious, I would totally start a rumor that Becks is not only going bald, but it’s because he has to take excessive amounts of testosterone on a daily basis to battle his body’s naturally high estrogen level. Also, he pays homeless men to wrestle him in grease and they yank it out a lot.
You know, if I were bitter. But since I’m not, let’s see what was going on at the beach with Becks and the kids.
(Images via The Daily Mail)
Haha, look at Becks being an awesome dad. Too bad he’s taken, ladies. But if you keep working to look like you were constructed in a Play-Doh Fun Jugs Factory while performing for one of the most undeservedly successful pop bands in history, maybe you can snag yourself a billionaire athlete, too.
Whoa, Becks’ bodyguard is packing. In fairness, when you’re worth that much money, you can’t be too safe. This world is a dangerous place for a soccer star and his kids who will never need to spell the word “work” let alone do it.
This guy couldn’t make girls wetter if he poured the Atlantic into the Pacific and tossed them in, but hey, let’s bring the puppies out anyway.
“And underneath my autograph is your number on Brooklyn’s waiting list. Sure, 6 figures seems like a lot, but he’s got plenty of years ahead of him before he marries Suri Cruise.”
Yes sir, life is good for David Beckham. Nothing could ruin this fun day at the beach with the kids.
“‘Scuse me, can anyone rub some mayonnaise on my shoulders?”
“What about you, boogie board? Fancy a good old rubdown?”
“Got time for two, pretty boy?”
- Archer, Arrested Development, Boardwalk Empire, Breaking Bad, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Comedy Central, Commercials, Community, Conan, Fargo, Game of Thrones, Girls, Homeland, House of Cards, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Justified, Letterman, Louie, Mad Men, Nathan Fielder, Netflix, Orange Is The New Black, Parks and Recreation, Review, Rick and Morty, Seth Meyers, SNL, Sons of Anarchy, South Park, Stephen Colbert, The Americans, The Blacklist, The League, The Leftovers, The Simpsons, The Walking Dead, True Blood, True Detective, Veep
- Geek & Sci-Fi