The headline “PSYCHIC UPDATE: He saw Vick injury coming” conjures up images of a Zoltar-esque guy huddled over a crystal ball with SportsCenter playing inside it, or rolling his eyes back in his head as he chants and flips Panini Prestige like tarot cards. I’m not sure why the Delaware County Daily Times has a psychic on call and consults him for football news instead of watching him or going to the games, but Michael Vick badly bruised his non-throwing hand on Sunday in a game against the New York Giants, and this guy predicted it with his PYSCHIC POWERSSSS
The weird thing about the report is that Parkside psychic Robert E. Graham being a psychic has f**king nothing to do with it and he’s just an animal lover who hates Vick and the Eagles and just sorta talks sh*t about them to the newspaper. Uh…
[Graham] previously predicted Vick would suffer an injury somewhere between a kidney and mid-thigh area. Suffice it to say that a hand — depending on how you were holding it at the time — could very well fit in that broad category.
“Let me just say that if it were my hand, I wouldn’t be playing,” Graham said. “I think he is fragile, physically.”
And this line, that lets you in on the secret that Graham is truly paranormal:
“I root for whatever team they are playing against,” he said.
So they just … they just got a comments troll to say what he thinks is going to happen about a team he hates? I don’t like Vick either, but Jesus, I’m not going to say I used a lightning rod and a bag of goddamn pixie dust to figure out that football guys would want to stop and hurt the high-profile quarterback. He goes on to say that Vick’s recurring injuries are a result of “bad karma”, so I guess Philadelphia’s offensive line is now doing the job of the Cosmos.
In other Pennsylvania psychic news, he’s predicting a good offseason for the Phillies, because he likes the Phillies:
On a brighter note for Philadelphia fans, Graham is still feeling good about the Phillies — despite the recent run of losses.
“They already clinched the division title. Would you go out and give it all you got? Those games, they can afford to give away.”
Come clean, Daily Times … this is just your grandpa, right? You wanted to put your grandpa in the newspaper.