“Suck For Luck” Power Rankings: Week 7

By: 10.25.11

6) Denver Broncos (2-4) – As a Miami Dolphins fan, I fully expected the non-Denver world to pour on the anger after Sunday’s loss. Tim Tebow looked like the worst QB in NFL history through 3 quarters. And then every ESPN football analyst started fapping with delight as he was just good enough to manipulate piss poor defensive play calling and win from behind. At least he gave us this:

7) Seattle Seahawks (2-4) – Don’t count the Seahawks out of anything. This team is an absolute mess.

8) Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5) – I really loved this recent headline from the Onion:

9) Philadelphia Eagles (2-4) – I try to stay far away from message boards for any sports because they’re filled with the world’s most depraved, clueless and evil people, but someone emailed me a rumor that the Eagles will bounce Andy Reid after this season for Bill Cowher, and my only response was, “I sure hope not, this is too much fun!”

10) Carolina Panthers (2-5) – Still the most exciting team without any ability to play defense in the NFL.

11) Kansas City Chiefs (3-3) – Look at the Chiefs, all grown up and climbing out of the Top 10. Looks like Todd Haley finally got his team under control and reminded them that the rest of their division doesn’t suck anymore.

12) Washington Redskins (3-3) – With all due respect, I had the Redskins’ season falling apart a lot earlier than this. Like, Week 2.

13) Tennessee Titans (3-3) – Chris Johnson is quietly blaming the Titans’ offensive line for the fact that he sucks. Meanwhile, the Titans are saying that his conditioning was poor while he was holding out and that’s why he’s been a complete bust this season. Either way, at least they gave him $30 million guaranteed.

14) Dallas Cowboys (3-3) – DeMarco Murray set the franchise’s single game record for rushing yardage against the sad sack Rammies. For his next trick, he’s going to learn how to play quarterback.

15) Cleveland Browns (3-3) – Poor Peyton Hillis. He has a monster season, expects the Browns to recognize that with a nice contract and make him their featured back for the immediate future. Now he’s out for God knows how long with a hammy injury and Montario Hardesty is settling in just nicely. Oh, the plight of the white running back marches on.

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