Worst: Kelly Kelly Classic
I’ve been justifying the character and continued successes of Kelly Kelly for months now, but she had a few things working against her last night:
1. The show was terrible before and after her, leaving me in an awful mood.
2. She was in the ring with Eve, Tamina and Rosa Mendes, and I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, but Eve isn’t great and Rosa sorta wrestles like Jay Leno.
3. Over the weekend I jumped on a plane to see CHIKARA’s “Klunk In Love” in Kingsport, Tennessee, to see Sara Del Rey wrestle KANA, a situation that led to this mark photo. I now own a bloody handprint on an 8 x 11 piece of cardboard (pictured).
So how do I come home from that, dealing with all of that, see Kelly Kelly’s cartwheel back elbow devolve into its unsure ECW-era ancestor and not want to give up completely? I think WWE’s Divas division continues to be an underused and a little underrated place for women to make a lot of money performing in a sport we love, regardless of what they do or don’t do backstage and what you think about them personally, but good god damn, KANA kicked Sara so hard she lost a kickpad and here’s Kelly coming about four feet away from Tamina’s head with her punches. I can’t do it. I’ll return to being the one guy on the Internet who actually likes this part next week.
Man, wouldn’t Kelly Kelly vs. KANA be the greatest thing?
Best: At Least Those Were Different Divas
Oh, before I forget, yeah, Tamina isn’t exactly Portia Perez in this piece (she grabbed her chin when Eve kicked her in the damn elbow) and Rosa has the hand-eye coordination of a decerebrate paraplegic, but it was nice to know the Diva’s division exists beyond the four women we always see. It really wasn’t too bad outside of Kelly’s Layla Driver ’07.
Worst: Laurinaitis Interruptus
One of the worst parts of last night’s show is that when the wrestling finally started going, someone came out to stop it. McMahon did it in the opening segment to stop Sheamus and John Cena cold (and neither guy showed up for the rest of the show, so I guess they just went out and got a beer and shared stories about how much they love Triple H and how right he is), Cody Rhodes did it in a much less offensive way at the end of Orton/Henry, and Laurinaitis did it twice, shooing the Divas away Michael Cole style and interrupting his OWN MAIN EVENT HE MADE to change it on the fly and put on a different main event. People use that “reeks of WCW!!” excuse for TNA a lot, but nothing says “late era doomed WCW” like stopping in the middle of something, saying it sucks and deciding to do something else. Even TNA will let Matt Morgan and whoever muddle to their conclusion without Bischoffing the sh*t out of it in the middle.
And it might be bearable if Laurinaitis didn’t have the voice, cadence and dialogue of Kirk Van Houten. The next time Triple H confronts him backstage he should whip out a drawing pad and explain what dignity looks like.
Oh, and speaking of “not knowing what dignity looks like”
Worst: Welcome Back To Oklahoma, Jim Ross
I don’t know who decided Oklahoma should be the Pit of Tartarus for Jim Ross, but it’s a waste of time and talent and another example of WWE making decisions, going back on them, rebooting and re-demolishing. You bring back Jim Ross because people want him. You fire him because you don’t care what people want. You hire him back because people want him. You already have to put two-to-three guys in the announce booth to even out Michael Cole and now what? You get your dumb Oklahoma City tradition out of the way and we’ve got to put up with two hours of higher-octave Michael Cole, out of his cage and making things unbearable for everyone. This isn’t a funny game to people who don’t follow you around backstage, and I’m pretty sure even JR doesn’t give a sh*t at this point.
I actually almost forgot to write about this this week because there’s just so much awful happening. Jim Ross getting the OKC FU almost slipped my mind, because it (and a brand new WWE film) weren’t bad enough to register. That’s a dangerous sign. This should be pissing me off, and it isn’t. I think you broke me.