“Suck For Luck” Power Rankings: Week 8

By: 11.01.11  •  20 Comments


2) Miami Dolphins (0-7) – If the Dolphins are trying to tank this season on purpose, they deserve a damn Academy Award for Best Team Trying to Make it Look Like it Wants to Win. It’s also only fitting that Reggie Bush had his best game of the season after he hooked back up with Kim Kardashian. That’s the extra ammo Miami needed. Also, I really loved this:

3) Arizona Cardinals (1-6) – While Kevin Kolb seems to be growing increasingly comfortable as a starter, the Cardinals have still supplanted the St. Louis Rams as the team most likely to wind up with the top pick only to trade it to the Dolphins for their whole draft.

4) St. Louis Rams (1-6) – Steven Jackson looked super pissed on Sunday, probably because his team was unbelievably winless, but I like to think it’s because Nick Punto was standing on the sidelines yelling, “I won a championship and didn’t have to do sh*t!”

5) Denver Broncos (2-5) – Prior to Sunday, my friend and I were discussing the Tebowing fad and we agreed that the Detroit Lions linemen had to do it the first time they sacked Tim Tebow. Boom.

Now that’s how you end an idiotic fad, friends.

6) Minnesota Vikings (2-6) – Percy Harvin was looking a little feisty against the Carolina Panthers, like he was built with two hearts. That’s good, because Donovan McNabb was built with none.

7) Seattle Seahawks (2-5) – At one point, Marshawn Lynch had something like 13 carries for -47 yards. I won’t rule out the Seahawks for a late season Luck run, but I’m close to putting them atop the LaMichael James list.

8) Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6) – “This Christmas, the Jacksonville Jaguars star in… The Curious Case of Blaine Gabbert, the story of a quarterback who seemingly sucks the more he plays.”

9) Carolina Panthers (2-6) – Still the only team on this list that can move up while losing.

10) Washington Redskins (3-4) – Remember, Redskins fans, secure your own life preserver first before helping other people.

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