Best: CM Punk Getting Treated Like An Asshole
Jackie Chan movies are 95% Jackie Chan walking into a warehouse and beating the horse piss out of 30 guys by hooking a bucket onto his foot and kicking, but even Jackie Chan movies usually have that one moment early on where Jackie gets cornered and beaten up and threatened. Tony Jaa gets his elephant stolen, that kind of thing. Up until now, CM Punk has faced absolutely zero adversity. He beat a bunch of guys cleanly leading up to his title shot, won that, left with the belt, came back and won again, and only lost the belt AFTER the match due to crazy outside interference. The next night he didn’t care about Alberto Del Rio and set his sights on Triple H and Kevin Nash, and that issue I guess worked itself out? How the hell DID that end?
Anyway, Punk refocused on Del Rio, bullied him into agreeing to a title match and beat him cleanly. He keeps threatening the guy in charge and doing sarcastic video packages about him, but the worst Laurinaitis has done in return is putting him in fairly organized wrestling matches. Punk isn’t battling ANYTHING, so it was WONDERFUL to see his two TLC challengers get together and beat the crap out of him for a minute. Not because I want to see Punk beaten up necessarily, but because Punk needs to be the compelling, sometimes-vulnerable champion John Cena can’t be. This is how that happens. Punk can win the war without also having to win every single battle. We hate people that do that.
Or we like them, depending on how old we were when we first saw them.
Worst: Yeah, Keep Smacking Me! Come On!
Telling Punk a pipe bomb is going to blow up in his face followed by taunts of YEAH, KEEP SMACKING ME, KEEP SMACKING ME COME ON while he’s breathing all heavy and he’s literally sweating tanner doesn’t do a lot to defend Miz against those gay jokes. Not that there’s anything WRONG with derp derp derp
I like Goldust, because even when he’s making “you’re an ugly sow” jokes about Vickie Guerrero he seems weirdly sincere and emotional about it. I don’t know, Dustin Rhodes is just such a fragile crybaby in real life that it shows in Goldust, and when you combine that with his God given abilities in the ring you get a really great, complex character-wrestler. The whole time he was presenting Slammies I thought, “why couldn’t Goldust be wrestling right now”? He’d be great when you need someone to fill in when somebody disappears, like Alex Riley. Or Mason Ryan.
Shit, does anybody know what happened to Mason Ryan? Did he decide to “go into MMA”? John Laurinaitis should start hyping the debut of Goldust.
Worst: Jinder Mahal, Or ‘Muhammad Hassan By Jeff Katz’
Jinder Mahal looks like he should be posing for high contrast photos for WRP FIRST LOOK: WEEK 34 with a name like SONJAY MUDSLIDE and a Narayana Guru quote under it.
Worst: So Did He Win By KO, Or What
I don’t know if Sheamus was in a Beat the Clock challenge against The Big Show or what, but his music started playing the second he landed a Brogue Kick. Was… was that supposed to be a match? Would it have wasted that much time to have Sheamus put his foot on Jinder’s chest and make the referee count to three so there could be some kind of consequence or closure to what’s happening onscreen? Was this show a social experiment to see how much we’d like WWE if they just talked and did moves to each other without belts or pins?