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The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 12/5: Zack Ryder All Day Everyday

By / 12.06.11

Best: Daniel Bryan, Remembering Wrestling Matches Existed

A quick good, before we go on and on about the bad: Daniel Bryan got World’s Strongestly Slammed from the second rope less than a week ago in a cage match against Mark Henry, so it makes perfect sense that he’d be at like 20% for whatever match he was put into on Monday, and it makes even more sense that John Laurinaitis, a guy working at the behest of a Board of Directors who want Alberto Del Rio as champion, would give Del Rio a softball 20% healthy guy as an easy way to get him into the TLC match for the WWE Championship without really cheating for him. Those are both very good things. Now,

Worst: Using Daniel Bryan Like This

having Michael Cole literally say LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER and watching a helpless Daniel Bryan have his midsection worked for two minutes before tapping out in two seconds to an armbar (?) is not productive. It isn’t. They could’ve at least had Michael Cole stop yelling for a few seconds to explain how Del Rio’s armbar is devastating, and to get to the ropes you need your core strength to scoot around, and Daniel Bryan’s ribcage is shattered to sh*t so he can’t go anywhere and has to tap out quickly or die. They could’ve gone the King of Trios route and had the actual injured part of Bryan Danielson’s body relate to the unexpected finish of the match and had Del Rio lock on a body scissors or something. Anything but this, the quick, brutal response to anybody who thought “hey, Daniel Bryan might BE something” after that rad Smackdown main.

I think the worst part is that it’s barely even worth complaining about. It’s just another example of a nobody losing like a nobody, in a company full of guys who are mostly treated like nobody.

Worst: Beth Phoenix And Natalya Have Something To Say About Whoops Nope Here’s Undertaker

And speaking of things not being important to anybody, how funny was it that Beth Phoenix and Natalya got a video package to explain their gimmick only for the mysterious IT BEGINS video to interrupt it, and then nobody on commentary acknowledged it. That means either

1. The Divas and especially Beth Phoenix and Natalya are so unimportant that the announcers weren’t watching, and the Divas Of Doom exposition was their Playing November Rain On The Radio moment where they figure out whether or not they’ve got enough time to go take a dump and get back without anyone noticing, or

2. This is a Warrior In The Mirror/Bob Orton’s Head Bleeding thing where most of the character on the show don’t see it, but we collectively see it as an audience.

Either way, I’m going to use the video showing up to interrupt a Divas promo over the words “BARBIE DOLLS” to justify the videos as return hype for Kharma and a grand resetting of the women’s division carousel of pointlessness and not just a thing for Undertaker. Also, way to trust your Internet Presence by bringing those clandestine Why So Serious-ass clips to television to make sure the pleebs watching actually see them.

Worst: I Should Just Repost Going Through The Motions On Every Page

This is the entire match. Eve doesn’t even get in the ring. Beth gets distracted by the HEY IT’S THAT GUY WHOOPS I LOST CONCENTRATION thing with Alicia Fox when Alicia wasn’t even doing anything. She was just standing there. How many times are they going to do these thirty second roll-ups before they realize they aren’t helping anybody and aren’t even giving the people that use them as pee and smoke breaks time to pee or smoke?

The very worst part was Michael Cole trying to say this was the first loss for Beth and Natalya in MONTHS (“as a team”) when they lose almost non-stop on everything but (and mostly on) pay-per-views. Two weeks of victories over the breaking up Chickbusters doesn’t make them Goldberg, nerd.

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