Worst: I Hope Jack Swagger Enjoyed That 20 Minutes Of Being A Relevant, Believable Guy Again
Can anyone explain to me why John Cena had to have his “revenge” match against the guy who beat up his friend (again, in a completely normal, previously scheduled actual wrestling match, which is their jobs) on a night when he’d already wrestled? I mean, logically you’d say Jack Swagger has already competed tonight, but you’ll sign a match between them (for the title, if the United States Championship is supposed to be important) next week, or at Royal Rumble or something. You don’t give Cena his second instance of getting a sympathy match against a guy who already wrestled once (Rey Mysterio, I’m looking in your direction) for no reason other than “John Cena wants it”. It’s bullsh*t favoritism and the kind of thing Punk should’ve have just stopped raging against when he got an ice cream bar t-shirt.
Additionally, it might’ve been nice to let your new champion get in a wrestling move before Cena’s f**king Toad Style destroyed him.
Best: John Cena And The 8,000 Pound Steps
And now, the sequel to last week’s John Cena Running:
Dude, how much do you think we think those steps weigh? They move when guys run into them. They’re PORTABLE STEPS. Normal crew guys used to move them out of the way when Undertaker had to drive his motorcycle around the ring. We can see the bottom of them, too, they’re basically hollow. You aren’t trying to pull the f**king sword from the stone, just hit him with them.
Best: The Only Living, Breathing, Romping, Stomping Funkasaurus In Captivity
This is mostly the same Best as last week, with more time to take a step back and see how great the Funkasaurus is. I love that he got a YOU WANTED THE BEST YOU GOT THE BEST THE HOTTEST BAND IN THE WORLD intro, even if it didn’t feed right into his music like it should’ve. There was less Rikishi this week and more Dusty Rhodes, and I don’t know if that’s a conscious decision or what, but it’s one of which I approve. Funkasaurus needs to keep moving forward with this and letting the gimmick progress naturally.
Also, HE NEEDS TO KEEP DOING THIS
Best: RAPTOR DANCE
If you don’t love a fat man making dinosaur hands you have lived a sadder life and I feel badly for you.
Worst: Michael Cole’s “How Cool Is This Dude?”
Stop it. Don’t you dare ruin the Funkasaurus for me.
Best: JTG’s “This Motherf**ker” Face
That’s the face of a wrestling community, right there. JTG doesn’t get enough credit for being just that good. It could be because his entire run has been LOL LOOK AT THE FUNNY BLACK CRIMINAL, but still, the guy knows what he’s doing. I think WWE and the WWE Universe should come together with an understanding of what NXT has become and be okay accepting it as the new WWECW, put it back on U.S. TV somewhere and let guys like JTG, Tyson Kidd, Derrick Bateman and Yoshi Tatsu perform without a hell of a lot of stress on a show watched by more than the fans who remembered to check the Internet without fear of Future Endeavoring post-Funkasaurus loss.
Also, bring back Abraham Washington. Uh, and Ariel.