It’s time to flush the good will and fan song benefit-of-the-doubt earned by Ashkon’s “Niners In Paris” down the toilet, because the worst kind of guy who does things on the Internet (the bald, bearded guy wearing sunglasses on his webcam) has created “The Gronk Song – An Original for Rob Gronkowski”. It … basically destroys fan songs forever. And possibly rap music. And possibly white people. And uh, possibly people.
In a greater context, sure, there have been worse fan songs on YouTube and fat kids doing Ke$ha covers about hockey is objectively worse, but there’s something special about this video’s unique mix of bad rhyming, New England rabbel-rousing and full-on virgin-or-close-to-it perspectives on women.
Shopping for him must be hard to do,
’cause he wears a massive size-16 shoe.
He went to college in Arizona,
calls Bibi Jones when he gets a Gronk boner!
…but I guess if you like the Patriots and enjoy America’s constant attempts at being the next Free Credit Report Dot Com Band, you’ll like this. Just don’t let anyone hear you listening to it (or do, and tell them it’s a terrible new They Might Be Giants CD).
[h/t The Big Leadq]