Worst: Eve Just Got Heidenreich’d
just f**king murder her already, jesus
I don’t want to go the rape joke route (despite Kane canonically being a rapist) (a rapist who can control fire) (“a rapist who can control fire” is a WWE character, everybody) (what is this, an Alan Moore comic), but Kane’s danger-zone extreme close-up taunting of Eve didn’t scream much else.
I guess he could just chokeslam her or whatever, as Kane’s most hateful acts seemingly involve him hitting wrestling moves on you at bad times, but he’s threatening something worse than his worst, which means literally murdering you and literally dragging you into Satan from The Holy Bible‘s land of indiscriminate damnation is not as bad as what he’s about to do to Eve. “Getting buttf**ked by Kane” is the only thing I can think of worse than dying and going to Hell.
John Cena didn’t help (he’s too busy starting the Cooter 500 or whatever). Kelly Kelly didn’t help. Zack Ryder in a wheelchair with an air glider attached to the top didn’t swoop in and help. So is Eve dead, or what? Is that the end of the story?
Best: Big Johnny Survives
Following John Laurinaitis’ presentation on Monday, the WWE Board of Directors has decided that the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations will remain as Interim General Manager of Monday Night Raw. See “Mr. Excitement’s” argument for keeping him on the job.
Via @WWERawGM, Laurinaitis’ first response was to quote Gandhi. His second was to work on a playlist to celebrate the morning’s announcement, and holy sh*t you guys:
Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember.
SUPER BEST: Awesome People Bringing Signs To Shows
One of the biggest and best Bests I can muster goes out to Best And Worst reader Kate McGee for being cool enough to bring a me-centric sign to a WWE show. And it references my girlfriend! How could it not be the best?
The only way it could’ve been better is if she’d used quinoa for glitter.
Best: Top Ten Comments Of The Week
Eventually I’m gonna come up with a badge for this for you guys. Anyway,
Tobogganing Bear, who realizes that Heath Slater is now an enemy of the state, having run afoul of Mr. Derrick Bateman:
Slater indeed is “The One-Man (Southern) Rock Band” and that band appears to Edwin McCain n’ muscle pals.
Cyber Pilate and Jake Howell, hitting me in my favorite thing to reference:
Do you seriously think The Undertaker would explain his master stroke to you if there were even the slightest possibility you could affect the outcome? He just beat the HHH 35 minutes ago.
Laurinaitis’ Journal. Feb. 6, 2012. David Otunga carcass on entrance ramp this morning.
Lawler is excited about AJ and Bryan’s kids being born dizzy because it’ll make it easier for him to get at ‘em.
LordBarvis, bringing up a point I forgot to mention from those endless videos packages:
WWE Math: Anything larger than four is a brawl
Lawler just became first person to ever thank Nickelback for anything
Dirty Dilfer, with my second favorite thing to reference:
Hi Otunga. It looks like you have something to say. Do you?
Generic Username, pointing out something important:
Odd how Jericho takes his sweet time enunciating everything he says, but he positively RACES through saying “WWE.”
They all do it. “IIIIII will be chammmmmpionnnnnn of theeee DUBDUBBY.”
I’m surprised Randy didn’t learn to say, “STUPID, YOU’RE STUPID!” in Punjabi.
That’ll do, Punk. That’ll do.
Did I just pick an off night to try to get back into wrestling, or is it always like this?
It’s always like this, brother. It’s always like this.