Worst: Uh Oh, Ted DiBiase, Zack Ryder Just Stole Your Posse
Remember when WCW did that angle where Glacier had to sell off his gimmick, and Kaz Hayashi bought his Cold Blood Run armor and snow-spotlight to Kaz Hayashi and Ernest Miller? I think that’s what happened with Ted DiBiase, except replace “armor” with “DiBiase Posse”, replace Kaz Hayashi with Zack Ryder and replace “snow-spotlight” and Ernest Miller with “boring irish whips and clothesline horsesh*t” and Jinder Mahal respectively.
Seriously, how bad must DiBiase feel about this? The only thing of social worth he’s done since driving drunk and it gets co-opted by the only guy allowed to think outside the box. DiBiase’s gonna come back in a few months and not be able to get his Regular Joe pick up truck into the lot because the Ryder Rally is too large. And he’ll park on the street, wander into the crowd and be all “hey, where’s the POSSE?” He’ll look around and there’ll be one fat guy wearing a DiBiase Posse shirt he hasn’t washed in four months flanked by two other fat guys in Statue Of LiBROty visors sheepishly trying to hide foam fists behind their backs.
Then the stage is set for MAHAL MADNESS.
Best: Daniel Bryan Is The Best Heel
In case you missed it, via Daniel Bryan’s Facebook page:
I wanted to publicly share some things that AJ can do to make herself a better Diva:
1. Be taller. Not sure how? How about trading in those Chuck Taylors for a nice pair of heels?
2. Adopt a strict vegan lifestyle to stay mentally and physically fit. Maybe if you stop eating eggs, you’ll stop walking on eggshells all the time.
3. Highlight your beauty through silence. Be seen but not heard.
4. Focus on inspiring others as a role model, exhibiting real beauty on the inside and outside … like me.
5. How about trading in those skulls you wear on your clothes for the butterfly of the Divas Title?
6. Remember that “gamer” really means “loser couch potato”.
7. Only champions have enough discipline to not get fat from eating vegan animal crackers. Please stop asking me to share and buy a second box.
8. Just consider that Pokemon is a silly children’s game and will prevent people from taking you seriously.
9. To create a constant glow, fill yourself with the blissful reality that you are dating the World Heavyweight Champion!
Just when I thought Daniel Bryan couldn’t get any more amazing, he calls out his girlfriend on things that are physically impossible to change (like height) and throws shade at Pokémon. Maybe if A.J. listens to these tips she’ll be the very best, like no one ever was.
Bryan is the perfect insulting boyfriend. This is what Macho Man did so effectively in the 80s … I remember watching and thinking “he’s BAD to Elizabeth!” when he wouldn’t really do anything but not let her talk and use her as a human shield. I didn’t even know what you had to do to be “bad” to someone.
Best: Bringing Back The Benoit Submission Counters
Daniel Bryan vs. Zack Ryder went exactly like it should’ve … about a minute and a half in, Ryder hits one of the two moves in his arsenal and sets up to hit the other one. He goes for it, so Bryan reverses it into the LeBell Lock and made him tap. YES! YES! YES! was had.
One of the things I miss the most about Chris Benoit matches are his counters into the crossface. It got a little hacky when Kurt Angle started playing along and everything started with rolling forward to send Kurt haplessly bumping into the turnbuckles, but the brighter days are still choice — remember how he had three variations in the old AKI video games? Remember when Matt Hardy would try a tornado DDT and end up Cripplered Crossface? That was the best, and WWE needs a guy like that. My Boy D-Bry Right Here should systematically work his way through all the finishes (I want to see what he does with the Codebreaker) until he’s starting matches by reversing handshakes and tie-ups into tap-out wins.
Worst: Jerry Lawler’s Taste In Rap Music
At some point during the night, Jerry “The King” Lawler called Flo-Rida “the biggest star in the world of hip-hop”. I know you’ve got to make your theme song guy sound important, but to put it in wrestling terms, it’s more or less like Michael Cole announcing that Camacho is the biggest star in WWE and having everyone around him nod with smiles on their faces, being all “yeah, Camacho!” I’m not gonna pull the Wade Keller “I’ve never HEARD of him!” journalist card because I’m not 65 years old and have heard of him, but he’s not great, and not much more prestigious to have around than Machine Gun Kelly. That’s a rapper as well, Wade, not a funny name I’m calling Kelly Kelly.
Anyway, what I’m getting at is that Jerry Lawler may not know a lot about hip-hop. Exhibit A: