Worst: Inappropriate Ponytail Theater
Raise the lights!
Worst: Nothing Has Been Accomplished, Guys, Good Job
Like a lot of the rest of the show, the ICON VS. ICON VS. ICON VS. ICON VS. ICON showdown between Undertaker, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Triple H and Triple H happened, but didn’t really advance or improve anything. The ultimate point was Undertaker saying Shawn Michaels is better than Mista Ayches to drive a wedge between them … the same thing he’s already said. That was the “pipe bomb” of the altercation, a plot point that has already been established and addressed.
I know you can’t have Cena and Rock beating each other up before Wrestlemania, but Jesus, how hard would it be to have your two most legendary ultimate killer guys destroying each other for a few weeks? Undertaker has magical powers and Triple H has a mystical Wrong Latin hammer, they should be pulling some Thor vs. Doc Doom sh*t instead of yelling at each other about eras and legacies. Cena and Rock have the media thing happening … H and Taker have nothing except “we’re older wrestlers and we’ve fought before”. That is every single TNA storyline. THROW YOUR HAMMER AT HIM, H, THROW IT.
Best: Shawn Michaels Is A Dickbag
I counted three good things about the closing segment:
1. Undertaker’s LayCool hood
2. This lady:
3. Shawn Michaels smirking when Taker said Shawn’s better than H
Shawn Michaels is better at convincing us of the reality of an emotional pro wres storyline better than anyone on television, and worst case scenario they should be milking him for everything he’s got. That “heh, yeah I’m awesome” look followed by the one to Triple H that I read as “what? I thought we both knew that” was great, and if we could just put WWE’s definition of plot into one or two weeks instead of six and start building something with them, we’d be somewhere.
Further expert analysis: Can we please end one of these wrestling shows with some wrestling?
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week, With An Apology
The apology comes in regard to the lateness of this column. We had a site error yesterday that literally (literally) ate Best and Worst, so I had to rewrite it. I learned long ago to not make the same jokes on the rewrite, so please know I had an amazing paragraph about Cody Rhodes that compared him to shape-shifting mutant hermaphrodite Bergu Kattse from Science Ninja Team Gatchaman and that it is forever lost.
Take that Aytch. I didn’t really wanna ‘Mania w/ you after all! YOUR PONYTAIL ISN’T EVEN THAT INAPPROPRIATE! #InappropriatePonytailTheatre
Once you reach double-digits, “JUST” doesn’t apply. “JUST 24″ is something what Big Show says when the police question how many race-related incidents he’s had this year.
Kofi Kingston is basically just Magnitude from Community, except for instead of “Pop” he says “Boom.”
If they’re going to have Josh Matthews Mean Gene it up and interview superstars in front of a live crowd, I’m disappointed he doesn’t get a name for his segment like “Just Joshin’ You” or “How does it feel to have your best friend Zach Ryder raped in front of you, John Cena?”
Ricky The Steamboat
Voices: “Randy! You forgot your pants!”
I always think of these matches in RPG terms. Did Mark Henry roll a really bad character with 5 or 6 points in Constitution and 18/00 in Strength? Jesus.
Rock singing about getting with Cena’s mom last week- which finally gives us an explanation for Darren Young.
DocZeus, with a response from newageamazon
Go away, Shawn. Stop talking, Taker. Go to hell, Hunter.
What are “Voicemails Chyna has left while drunk?”
And finally, some great advice from Stone Cold Jane Austen
Just eat the damn orange.
See you next week, hopefully on a Tuesday.