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10 Amazing Sports Predictions For This Week

By / 05.22.12

I think we all need to take a seat, maybe form a circle and just relax for a few minutes. We get a little bit too crazy about sports sometimes, and we tend to overreact toward athletes and media analysts for their decisions and/or opinions. I mean, take Twitter, for example. Have you seen the horrible verbal venom that is spewed at famous people on that “social media” site on a daily basis? Hell, I’m as guilty as the next guy for making cracks at some athletes, but I’m talking about the violent threats.
It’s really getting out of hand, and it’s been spilling out into our stadiums and arenas now, ruining the idea of fun competition for everyone. What the hell’s the point of going to a game or a bar these days if you constantly have to look over your shoulder and wonder if someone is about to stab you? Sports are supposed to take our minds off the really sh*tty things in life and provide hope and inspiration. Instead, we have people slaughtering each other in the streets.
Everybody calm down and let’s remember why we’re here in the first place… to hope that the other team loses and pray for people to be fired. That’s what sports are all about, dang it.

Um, holy sh*t, you guys. For starters, 8 people were shot outside the Ford Center in Oklahoma City after the Thunder defeated the Los Angeles Lakers last night. AFTER THEY WON. And nobody was arrested. What the f*ck is going on with sports fans lately?

A pregnant woman was either kicked or hit in the abdomen, she said. Seven gunshot victims were found at the scene across several block around Reno Avenue and Mickey Mantle Drive, O’Leary said. There were about 5,000 people out in the area when the gunfire rang out, she estimates.. While one patient was critical late Monday, the other seven were “stable” O’Leary said Tuesday morning. (Via News OK)

How is this crap happening outside of an American professional sports arena? This is the kind of behavior that we expect from young soccer hoo… THIS JUST IN FROM OUR GREAT BRITAIN CARRIER PIGEON SERVICE: One man is dead and his father is in critical condition after they were repeatedly stabbed at a pub while watching a soccer game. Who did the stabbing?

A gang of 20 hooded youths stormed a pub after the Champions League final before dragging away a 25-year old man and stabbing him to death in scenes ‘like a horror film’, friends said today.
‘True gent’ Luke Fitzpatrick was killed and his father Bernard, who threw himself on top of his son in a desperate attempt to shield him, remains in a critical condition in hospital after being stabbed four times. (Via the Daily Mail)

I’m never leaving my house again.

I know that some people don’t care my homer rants, so just a quick thought on the Orlando Magic “relieving” Stan Van Gundy of his coaching duties and “letting” Otis Smith “resign”: The Magic haven’t done anything and can’t do anything to convince Dwight Howard to stay short of moving the team to New York and signing Deron Williams. All signs indicate he does not want to stay, either because the grass is greener with his boy Deron or he knows that no matter what the Magic do they won’t be able to contend with the Chicago Bulls, Miami Heat, New York Knicks and even the Indiana Pacers moving forward. That is, unless a GM is stupid enough to trade for Jason Richardson and Chris Duhon, which I won’t ever rule out in the NBA.
Prediction: The Magic hire Donnie Walsh as GM and Brian Shaw as coach, and Howard will still leave.
(GIF via Jose 3030)
Joanie Laurer, AKA Chyna, has been out promoting the porn parody Avengers XXX, in which she plays the She Hulk, which you can make fun of all you want but you know you want to watch out of morbid curiosity. Unfortunately, the whirlwind tour has taken its toll on the former WWE superstar as she fainted before she was supposed to make an appearance at the Exxotica Expo in Miami this past weekend. Despite earlier reports, she was not hospitalized.

“I wasn’t taken to the hospital, but to my hotel room where I rested a bit,” Chyna says. “It’s weird because I’ve been feeling so good lately, almost like She-Hulk, my character in Vivid’s Avengers XXX. But then I started to get a cold and feel weary. I think I overdid it with the cold medicine and a glass of wine at lunch today. I feel much better now and intend to go out to the pool.” (Via E!)

Chyna, from all of us to all of you, please take a break. Not from living your life, but from porn. It doesn’t have to be forever, just until I die.
Maxim Magazine still exists? released its annual Hot 100 list this week, naming super duper model and eventual billionaire Bar Refaeli the hottest woman in the world. This comes on the heels of People naming Beyonce the Sexiest Woman in the world and something called Zoo Magazine awarding that same honor to Kim Kardashian, most likely so she could waddle up to Jay Z’s wife at a party and be like, “Aside from the talent, we’re practically the same.”
Regardless, here comes the wave of bloggers and Tweeters crying foul as if this is the greatest injustice we currently face, because “MILA IS HOTTER!” “NO, KATE UPTON IS HOTTER!” “SCREW YOU, GIRLS I KNOW IN REAL LIFE ARE HOTTER!” and so on.
Why is this important? Because as the Summer Olympics approach, I think it’s our duty as Americans to support Alex Morgan more.
(Images via here and here)
Speaking of… Mila Kunis is apparently a big Los Angeles Dodgers fan, which was a huge oversight on my part and will be included in my amended fan map later this week. She also makes the Dodgers sweeping the Cardinals much easier for me.
(Image via NewsGab, Hat tip)
The people behind the San Alfonso del Mar resort in Chile spent $1 billion over the past 5 years to build a swimming pool that is bigger than 5 Olympic-sized pools. But before you ask why… no, just go ahead and ask why, because I have no f*cking clue what the purpose of this thing is, other than to use it to ambush zombies during the eventual genetic plague Apcoalypse.
The pool costs $2 million annually to maintain, which means I’m going to have to drink a lot of Mountain Dew to pee in this thing sufficiently.
Rumors have been circulating – HOTGOSS! – that NBA free agent and former ambassador to China, J.R. Smith, has been dating pop singer Rihanna, who is apparently the easiest gossip column Mad Libs answer for a male celebrity needing a romantic partner. But if it’s true, Smith is about to be pissssssssssssssed, because Rihanna was apparently clubbing it up with Didier Drogba, who I’m told plays soccer.
Obviously, this is all part of Rihanna’s plan to sleep with every man on Earth. See you in 2046, Rihanna!
Most baseball fans and even some St. Louis Cardinals fans don’t care too much for Tony La Russa, but he won two World Series in the past six years, so I have a soft spot for the guy. Since he’s retired, everyone can now enjoy ignoring him, unless they love doggies, because look at that picture.
As my buddy and Joe Sports Fan writer and podcaster extraordinaire Matt Sebek reminded us yesterday, La Russa and his family – including his wonderful daughter Bianca (R) – spend most of their free time helping animals. Basically, if you hate La Russa, you hate animals. Yeah, I don’t expect that argument to hold up either.
I’m a big golf lover, despite sucking, so I’m getting a pretty big kick out of golfers being pissed off at Britney Spears, who has apparently taken up the game as a source of relaxation while predictably being terrible at it.

However, fellow golfers have been struggling to deal with Britney’s inability to play the game as she regularly lets go of her club and cannot hit the ball.
A source told The Sun newspaper: “It’s heads-up when she’s around. She’s hit a few golfers and managed to land balls in golf carts. But she’s a good sport and laughs at herself.” (Via AZ Central)

If ever a golf course has needed an alligator attack, it’s now.
Black Eyed Peas guy-who-talks-fast Will.i.am apparently got to carry the Olympic torch. Gee, I hope this means he’ll perform.


TAGS2012 SUMMER OLYMPICSALEX MORGANBAR REFAELIBIANCA LARUSSABLACK EYED PEASBritney SpearsCHILECHYNADIDIER DRAGBODWIGHT HOWARDFAN VIOLENCEGANG VIOLENCEGOLFJR SMITHMAXIMMILA KUNISOKLAHOMA CITY THUNDERORLANDO MAGICOTIS SMITHPORNRihannaSOCCERSTAN VAN GUNDYTONY LARUSSAviolenceWEEKLY PREDICTIONSWILL.I.AM

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