The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 5/21/12: We're Going To The Grand Canyon!

By: 05.23.12  •  241 Comments

Best: The Daniel Bryan Q & A

Just yelling YES all the time would get tired quick, so I’m happy to see AmDrag turning YES chants into something even better: Question and Answer sessions where your answer is always no, but his is always yes. It’s such an obvious place to take it, and while I hope these continue on forever, I’m happy and sorta proud to know that Daniel Bryan is as good as we’ve been saying for 12 years and can be the best possible professional wrestler at everything so if they don’t, I know he’ll replace them with something good.

I still haven’t totally adjusted to my favorite local armory guy being the best part of my Monday night wrestling show. As much as we complain about it, sometimes the system works. Daniel Bryan gets to be awesome AND buy a bunch of houses now.

Worst: CM Punk Is The Worst Magnum T.A. Ever

To be the cool guy everyone wants to be, CM Punk isn’t a very good dude.

The thing I loved so much about Magnum T.A. as a kid (before he drove a car into a thing and stopped being able to replicate an action Tom Selleck) was that he was NOBLE. When Tully Blanchard was on his knees and begging for mercy, Magnum refused to stoop to that level and left him a blubbering mess. Tully had to sit there in his shame sadness and Magnum walked away a better person. Hogan never did that, which is why I didn’t like Hogan very much.

I want to believe that sh*t Punk said in the Straight Edge Society about how being Straight Edge made him disciplined and enlightened and better than us, so when he does things like try to get Daniel Bryan DQ’d because Bryan got him DQ’d the show before, I understand it but don’t like it. I want Punk to use his beautiful Batman wrestling brain to be the better guy, the guy who made a choice at an early age to rise above pro wrestling’s crappier nonsense. On today’s shows I guess the audience doesn’t have the capacity to appreciate things like manners or decency or compassion without screaming YOU TALK FAGGY at their televisions, but if the guys who are good at wrestling could be better at the good and evil stuff pro wrestling storytelling presents that’d be doing me a solid.

I know, I’m a weird alienated elitist moralist nerd. I cheered for Captain America to kick Tony Stark’s ass in The Avengers. What can I do?

Worst: Maybe She’s Crying Because You Keep Berating Her, Asshole

“Hi Punk, I want to tell you something.”


“No, I wanted to say I liked how you beat up the guy who was mean to me.”


“/cries, because seriously”

“uhhhh heh wow what a stupid reaction. Oh man, now I want to f**k you.”

The end. CM Punk gets into a Twitter feud with Chris Brown about how he’d never hit a woman, but I guess he’d mentally abuse the sh*t out of them. And this is the kinda thing where WWE makes AJ crazier and crazier to justify it and WWE fans can say “she IS crazy” or “come on it’s just wrestling”, but yeah, Punk is a creep and AJ should’ve stuck with Primo.

or better yet, one lady in the history of wrestling should date non-wrestlers

Best: Justin Roberts Should Intro Everybody Like That

Justin Roberts gives Christian the face turn he didn’t actually get with a few sentences about how he did a cool thing we should admire. How easy is that? They should have a pre-match segment before everything where Justin Roberts names five things he likes about the wrestlers. “And now, a man who has a cool purple jacket and has been employed by WWE since 2010 … he ranked #336 of the top 500 singles wrestlers in 2011’s PWI 500 and most recently brought a box to the ring for his special hat! He loves his mother, ladies and gentlemen JINDER MAHAL!”

Of course, that’s immmediately ruined the second Jerry “The King” Lawler opens his mouth and says Jinder’s turban looks like “a rat’s tail”, but whatever.

Best: That Might’ve Been The Best Possible Jinder Mahal Match

Yeah, so palette swapped Ted DiBiase isn’t much to speak about in the ring (I spend most of his matches trying to figure out whether or not they’ve deliberately turned him into a Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! character … how awesome would it have been if they’d put Evan Bourne in some green trunks and had him wrestling Jinder when Mike Tyson walked in for his Hall of Fame induction speech? Brodus Clay gets a bandage on his navel, Scott Hall shaves his head, these write themselves).

Regardless, it was nice to see a straight-forward match on Raw to help put over Christian as 1) a good wrestler, 2) a wrestler who can win a match and not whimper about it and 3) an Intercontinental Champion who might actually wrestle and defend the belt. If they’re gonna keep Cody Rhodes in a perpetual state of non-title matches and impromptu tag things, give that beautiful, almost-meaningful belt to someone who can defend it against guys like Jinder. This is what guys like Jinder are FOR. To make the five year old in the crowd go OH NO INDIAN GUY WHAT’LL WE DO before the champ shows up and beats him.

For Christian’s IC title run, they should do what they do with NXT and book him as his own show, independent of whatever else happens on Raw. That way he can be an important tentpole, and whenever Camacho isn’t busy (LOL) they can put him in a ceremonial mask and say he’s a savage invader looking to seize control of the Inter-Continent.

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