We cover pro wrestling a little more than we should these days, because it turns out a lot of people want to read about fake fighting on
legitimate comedy sports blogs and because more of us watched it when we were kids than we'd like to admit. Some of us still do, and have blogging jobs instead of working in an office somewhere and having the respect of anyone.
I've been looking for a way to follow-up on the WWF Legends Minimalist Poster Gallery from earlier this month, and pro wrestling personality/friend of the site Kyle Durden gave me a great idea ... what's more WWF and minimalist than actual pro wrestling promo 8x10s? Nothing, it turns out, especially if you find the ones from the late 1980s/early 1990s, after wrestling had been popular but before it got popular again. That's a gold mine.
So here's a look into the WWF promo photos gold mine. A preview of what you'll find inside: Dusty Rhodes as a laughing garbage man, Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake going from normal human being to crazy-eyed monster in four years and the Bushwhackers playing in somebody's raked leaves. By the end of the gallery you may no longer be able to stand. That's normal.
Let me know which ones are your favorites in the comments section below.
[all photos via ImageEvent]
Let's go ahead and get Virgilbag out of the way.
The only two black guys cooler than Virgil: Slick and Akeem, The African Dream.
Anybody want a peanut?
The Beverly Brothers, probably the worst looking people ever born.
If you ever take a trip down to Cobb County Georgia, don't break any laws ... they have the right to handcuff you to something and beat you in the stomach with a nightstick.
(In case you couldn't tell)
He's thinking about you.
Pretty sure this picture is what the inside of my heart looks like.
Nothing says "best there is" like wearing a baggy tanktop with your picture on it.
That's more like it.
Do not name your dog Winston™, it is a registered trademark of World Wrestling Federation and not, you know, a dog named after a famous British person.
What happened to Winston™?
Here's a quick timeline illustrating how Brutus Beefcake got worse looking (and/or onto more drugs) as his WWF career progressed.
Okay, he lost his clothes, that's not a good sign. Also never good: a bow tie with no shirt, unless you're a Hanna Barbera character.
aaaand now he's cutting his own clothes. Who told him a barber dresses and acts like this?
The coup de grace: frosted hair.
If you have a friend who is all, "I watched wrestling when I was a kid, back when it was COOL. It's stupid now!", remind them that the f**king Bushwhackers existed.
Somebody's great idea was to shoot the Bushwhackers like they might their 3-year old nephew. Nothing says "tough tag team" like Sloth-esque guys with brain damage frolicking in the leaves.
It's funnier if you imagine him screaming "HAND-FORMED BURGERS" through his teeth.
Canada's Strongest Man. Also, Canada's Most Orange Lou Ferrigno.
Dusty Rhodes in polka dots, one of the great pro wrestling stories of succeeding in spite of spite.
I guess Dusty's WWF character was "GUY WHO CANNOT STOP LAUGHING, EVEN WHEN HE'S TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE OR DRESSING LIKE A COWARDLY LADY BUG".
No way does Freddie Blassie care about my wishes.
Like a boss.
There are literally 2,000 Hacksaw Jim Duggan photos like this of him sticking up his thumb and making a face like somebody just jammed a 2x4 up his ass, so I'll only include one.
I'm sad Hercules didn't sign his 8x10. I'll never verify my theory that his autograph was just STEROIDS in block letters.
This is so awesome I can't even begin to describe it. One guy who is in the WWE Hall Of Fame, and one guy who really f**king should be.
Commit to the gimmick, Jim, your signature should just be an X.
20 years later and he still looks exactly like this.
Nothing says "get ready to deal with me forever" like pictures of young Hulk Hogan.
AAAAHHHH, JESUS, CLICK TO THE NEXT SLIDE
He's not just playing Rip, he's starring as Rip.
How many pictures of Hulk Hogan holding the American flag does it take to erase the memory of his sex tape?
I didn't think we could make Jake Roberts any skeevier. Thanks, red lightbulb!
And the award for "Best Picture In This Gallery" goes to Jim Neidhart.
Bucket list item: own a jacket with my face and name airbrushed on the back.
With a word on WWF's cultural sensitivity, here's Jimmy Snuka in the jungle.
Junkyard Dog's autograph should've just been ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF
Worse than Michael Jordan. Michael Jackson.
The Low Energy version of Koko B. Ware.
Little did Hawk know, but he'd be getting drunk on TV, falling off the TitanTron and replaced by a vomiting quadriplegic before the decade was out.
Okay, THIS might be the best photo in the gallery.
It's been like 30 years and I still can't believe we had a popular tag team of fat guys called the "nasty boys". Think about that for a second. "The Nasty Boys."
Earthquake really needs to put on some pants.
I refuse to believe anybody ever needed a Paul Roma publicity photo. I mean, seriously.
Quick, enjoy this Macho Man photo now, he's going to be super stupid looking in less than...
Well, I hope you enjoyed that previous photo.
All right, all right, he still kinda pulled it off.
Because one Elvis-themed wrestler wasn't enough.
Whoops, sorry, this isn't just the best wrestler 8x10 in the gallery, it's the best wrestler 8x10 ever taken.
Get it, because he looks Asian.
Quick, guess which of these two wrestlers got an "appreciation night" after Raw in his hometown like three weeks ago!
Ass to ass.
Wait, is that a euphemism? Did I JUST realize that?
This is what happens to you after you've made a few movies.
Sid, or, "let's put a starburst in the background so it doesn't look like he's nude and standing in the shadows".
Good old Tatanka, or as his friends call him, "Chi Chair".
Nobody takes photos as well as the Million Dollar Man. Every rapper alive should love this guy.
Fun fact: in the 1980s, tens of thousands of women thought this guy was handsome.
"Nobody tell them about their cameltoe."
Tito Santana before he went to Vince McMahon and said "hey, it's sorta racist to have ARRIBA on my t-shirt, don't you think?" ...
... and after.
And finally, our crazy, crazy WWF Champion. This is a cool picture, but I'll always prefer the newer version ...