Actor Channing Tatum has undoubtedly reached A-list status this year, what with all 3 of his films grossing more than $100 million and him hanging out with George Clooney, so he can pretty much do whatever he wants at this point. At least that’s what I assumed was the reasoning for him showing up at Arizona Cardinals practice yesterday and just doing his thing as the hardest workin’, twerkin’, lay it down, flip, and reversin’ it playboy in $how BizNa$$$ty.
But the Magic Mike star was actually there to celebrate his good friend Kerry Rhodes’ birthday, so he figured he’d pop his NFL cherry by taking in his first practice.
“I’ve never got to come to camp before so I figured I’d come out and see what these guys are doing,” Tatum told Arizona Sports 620’s The Big Red Rage Thursday. (Via KTAR news, which I pronounce as keytar)
So how the hell are Rhodes and C-Tates friends? For starters, they come from the same place.
“He’s actually from Alabama too, so we got connected early on and we stayed in touch and we’ve been good friends since then,” said Rhodes. (Via AZ Family)
But according to KTAR, we all know the real reason that anyone wants to hang out with C-Tates. Mad chickens up in this nest, heard?
“It was a mob scene,” Rhodes said. “Literally like on any other day, it’s probably 10 people down there. Today it was quite a few.”
“I made a one-handed catch in practice and I thought the fans were [cheering] for me and I looked back and it was [Tatum] doing some stretch,” Rhodes joked.
Word was more than 100 women were hanging out at the practice facilities once the rumor broke that C-Tates was down there doing his thang. But this got me to thinking. Hopefully, you’re familiar with mine and Vinnie’s fascination with Tatum at FilmDrunk, but if not, just know that we want nothing but the best for C-Tates’ career. So I have a little movie pitch that I’d like to send his way, based on something that I wrote a few weeks back…
That’s right, Channing Tatum is… Marvel’s NFL SuperPro! Now Marvel and Paramount have to add the character to The Avengers 2! Look, I’ve even written his intro scene for them.
INT. NIGHT – Tony Stark’s charity fundraiser at the Kodak Theater.
Tony Stark drives up to the awaiting paparazzi in his all-chrome McLaren SLR, and exits the car with two beautiful super models.
Hey everyone, I’m Tony Stark! I’m a billionaire and very arrogant, etc.
Just then, a giant galactic vortex opens up and the titan Thanos emerges.
I’ve finally found you, Tony Stark. Or should I call you Iron Man, leader of the Avengers?
Yes, that’s also appropriate.
Now I will capture and enslave you like I already have with your other pathetic Avenger partners.
Thanos takes out an iPad and shows Tony pictures of Thor, Hawkeye, Bruce Banner, Nick Fury, the girl with the boobs, and Captain America in a cosmic jail cell. There are like stars in the background and stuff so he knows it’s legit.
You won’t take me without a fight!
Tony clicks a button on his keychain and his Iron Man armor pops out of the trunk, but Thanos eats it or something, because he’s practically a god and he does stuff like that.
You are no match for me, you puny mortal. Now come meet your fate!
Suddenly, a flying Bentley appears and it’s being piloted by the NFL SuperPro.
YO THERMOS, YOU FORGOT YO BOARDIN’ PASS!
SuperPro fires lasers at Thanos and they drain him of his titan energy and he falls to his knees. Tony Stark jumps into the vortex to rescue the Avengers and re-emerges, because the cage was, like, right there, so it didn’t take long. SuperPro stands before Thanos.
Yo beeyotch, I bet u think u was all fly n sh*t, right? But like, u ain’t no I play quarterback b4 I was expose 2 some chemicals, know what I’m sayin? So bow down, bitch.
You’ll never defeat me, SuperPro. I’ll just come back more powerful than ever.
Maybe. But I’m bangin’ yo fine ass sister.
Thanos’ hot purple sister gets out of the Bentley and she has, like 8 big ass titties.
Damn SuperPro, why u so hella fly?