No, seriously, meet FLiZ. MEET IT.
Ever wish you could do less riding and more running on your daily bicycle commute? Neither have we. But that seems to be the idea behind the German-designed FLIZ, a new concept velocipede that nixes the pedaling and suspends its rider runner from a harness. (via The Atlantic)
If you haven’t said “haha what the shit it is” out-loud yet, let me help you by asking you to remember that episode of ‘South Park’ where Mr. Garrison creates a giant wheel you drive by fellating a knob and letting it f**k you in the ass for a quick compare/contrast.
I guess the basic idea was to create a scooter apparatus to take your body weight out of the running motion. That’d be easier on your knees and maybe allow you to run farther and faster without getting tired. The rub here is that to scooter-run you’d have to remove the scooter from your feet area, and also apparently crush your ribcage in the process. The best part is that the guy isn’t wearing a helmet. If that thing hit a rock and flipped you over, it’s pretty much designed to DDT you to death.
Ugh, look at the still photos of this thing. It looks like the Cloverfield monster:
For extra LUlZ, check out this clip of a guy taking FLiZ for a test drive. It’s hilarious, but cuts out right before he pulls into a drive-thru, orders a giant rack of dinosaur ribs and tips over the bike with his feet in the air.
Serious question: How can I get the UPROXX network to buy me one of these so I can set it on fire and throw it in the garbage?
[h/t to Drew Magary, who probably owns one of these already and just doesn't want us to know about it]