Best: @MrBrandonStroud Signs At Raws I’m Attending Live
The actual best sign of the night goes to future “local friend who watches wrestling with me” Austin for giving a crap about who I am and making a Heath Slater-themed @MrBrandonStroud sign for a show I attended live. That’s the coolest feeling ever. He wore a Chikara shirt and made a Kishin Liger reference, so he may already be my Hunico. I’ll keep you posted.
Best: Shawn Michaels Appreciation Night
I left during Cena’s congratulatory speech to Shawn Michaels about how he’s a TRUE FRIENDFORMER or whatever to hang out with Austin in the hallway, but was drawn back in like a little wrestling nerd when Vince McMahon’s music hit. I’m sure you can find video of this all over the Internet by now, and all it really was was Vince and Triple H presenting Shawn with a WWE Plaque for his contributions to This Business a la Ikiru, but it had a few colossal highlights:
1. Undertaker showing up with full entrance, causing everybody to LOSE THEIR MINDS and tell make the people next to them feel their goosebumps. I’m not a Taker mark by any stretch, but even I got into it when he started cracking jokes and being a weird stand-up comedy guy. He made jokes about Shawn having “the biggest head” on wrestling’s Mount Rushmore and refereed to Shawn Michaels Appreciation Night as “whatever this is”. If WWE ever does roasts, this giant gothic motherf**ker is your Roastmaster.
2. In the BEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT FOR A MINUTE, John Laurinaitis came to the ring to share his thoughts on Shawn Michaels Appreciation Night. If you ever wanted to see an arena of 9,999 silent people and one idiot in a Team Johnny shirt standing up and screaming his lungs out, this was your chance. He was immediately superkicked, was superkicked a second time, and that was just sorta-kinda the end.
Anyway, watch it online. #TeamJohnnyForever
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
Rey Mysterio failed a wellness test and all he got was that lousy T-shirt?
To clarify, for everyone confused about Lawler calling Mysterio “young man.”
Lawler has always run on the opinion that if someone is wearing a mask, you CAN’T LEGALLY proof how old someone is, Your Honor.
Lobster Mobster, who knows me too well.
Just for Men commercial – he’s a tough, bearded baby that can dance like a man. He can shake-a his fanny, he can shake-a his can.
Guy Ritchie’s Wade Barrett.
(Tie) shabbydude and Harry Longabaugh, respectively:
Christian needs to rename the Killswitch “A Song of Ice and Fire” because it takes forever and never finishes.
The Killswitch is now renamed “Curiosity,” since it takes seven minutes to land.
In the spirit of being a star, Sheamus currently has one star for stealing that car. Will soon have two when he kills a hooker with a brogue kick.
$10 says he ordered a potato taco
“HE’S LIKE MOTHER TERESA….HE’S AN OLD BITCH! F*CK MOTHER TERESA! SORRY!”
“I’m just a cool dad (cooool daaaad)
but not your real dad (real daaaad)”
Shawn Michaels was running late…you have NO clue how long that line at Chick-Fil-A is, guys
Best: Reminder! I’m Going To Be In L.A. For SummerSlam
If you’re in the greater Los Angeles area and want to high-five me at some point, I’m gonna be at SummerSlam and SummerSlam Axxess, so do your best to do that there. I’m also going to be spending a few days in the San Francisco area earlier in the week, because I scheduled a baseball vacation months ago without having any idea I’d be summoned to SummerFest. If you live in California and don’t want to bash me in the head with a brick, be my pal.
Anyway, see you guys next week.