Grandma Dances Like Usher

Dwight Howard Is Totally Sorry Orlando, But He’s Never Coming Back… Ever

By 09.04.12

The above image is from the first newspaper that I’ve purchased in probably 2 years, because once I heard that Dwight Howard bought a full-page ad to say farewell to Orlando I knew I had to check it out for comedy purposes. Sure enough, it didn’t let me down, as it looks like he sent a zip file of PR pics to an Orlando Sentinel ad designer with a note that read: “Yo, whip something nice up and throw some words on it.”

My favorite part of Howard’s letter, beyond even the charm of his “Hey look at all the stuff I did with your kids!” collage, is the phrase “Although my career with the Magic has come to a close…” because that perfectly sums up how poorly Howard handled his exit from Orlando. His PR yes-men really deserve an award for the bang-up job they did in destroying the NBA’s most likable big man in a matter of a year, because even LeBron James left the door open to eventually return to Cleveland.

Howard, on the other hand, flat out said, “See ya!” and left a bunch of trash on the curb on Monday afternoon, knowing full well that the garbage isn’t picked up until Thursday. But it’s over, and Howard is a proud member of the Los Angeles Lakers, and thanks to the current culture of NBA fans and their short attention span bandwagon worship, he’ll be forgiven in no time. So I actually want to do the big guy a favor and help him endear himself with his new Lakers fans – the same ones who spent the last two seasons trying to convince everyone that Andrew Bynum is better than Howard.

I designed an ad that Howard can publish in an upcoming issue of the Los Angeles Times, and I think it’s pretty darn accurate.


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