At some point during the summer, Shaquille O’Neal launched his latest attempt at staying relevant outside of being an NBA analyst for TNT in The Comedy Shaq Network, which is devoted to showcasing famous and unknown stand-up comics alike, as well as random sketch comedy. According to the extensive collection of videos that Shaq has been posting for at least a year, before and leading up to the launch of his new network, it seems that Mr. Diesel is basically trying to launch a new version of Def Jam, which is fine as long as Shaq doesn’t start calling himself the Big HAAAAAAAMBURGER.
But it wouldn’t be a Shaq effort if he didn’t take shots at current NBA players or former teammates so people like me would shout, “Oh no, he did not, female friend!” and his latest video target is none other than the Big Footstep Follower, Dwight Howard. In a video posted yesterday, presumably at a comedy and/or strip club, Shaq gave a little impromptu rap for some friends, as he ripped on Howard for once again copying his career moves.
Here are the lyrics, with the best of my transcription skills.
Mess around with these, you get devoured.
We’re sending yo mama the limo and the flowers.
What I look like, I ain’t even got no car.
Don’t you ever call me Chamberlain,
Don’t you ever call me Jabbar.
Like I said before, you will get devoured.
But don’t you ever call me… Dwight Howard.
Ask that boy LeBron.
Who the hell is the real Supermon?
I let my rings do the talking.
And as you see, these talk quite often.
Who the best of the best?
I was born with the S.
What I love most about this video is the guy that keeps yelling one word, especially because of the rumor that Shaq pays his friends and debts with autographs. I like to think that guy is imagining going grocery shopping after he sells one more autographed shoe.
And to give you an idea of what kind of sketch comedy the Comedy Shaq Network offers, here’s a recent clip of Hulk Hogan coming to comedian Godfrey’s rescue.