Worst: Sheamus Talking, Fake Twitters For Lay-Up Questions And ‘Debate’ Segments In General
You guys don’t need to read me nerd-raging about this segment for 10 paragraphs, because in the grand scheme of things (and in the last eight months of Sheamus) it’s not the worst, most insulting or least purposeful thing they’ve done. So I’ve put together a list of things I enjoyed about the segment and things I didn’t, and I’ll ask you to draw your own conclusions.
What I Liked
- Booker T being the host of a debate, because 1) he can barely talk, and 2) there is nothing he’s more enthusiastic about than putting on a serious “hosting voice” and emceeing an event. See also that time when he was in charge of the Raw Roulette wheel and got REALLY INTO IT.
- Big Show’s point of view. Sheamus can’t kick that high, and he should probably be able to brute force Sheamus to the ground and murder him with something because his finisher is a goddamn punch, and how hard is that to land? Just keep trying until one connects. Boom, instant Dead Sheamus.
What I Didn’t Like
- WWE has no idea how to handle politics. They’re always doing debates, having Sunny sit on a Bill Clinton impersonator’s lap and pretending he’s the real guy or bringing out “Barack Obama” to wrestle. Here’s a quick bit of advice for WWE: YOU ARE A WRESTLING SHOW. If you want to support a candidate, use your millions of dollars to donate to their campaign. That’s your right. You do not necessarily have to be “wrestling” about it when you do it.
- Needing The WWE Universe to supply questions like “what do you think of your opponent” and “who has best movez” for a debate. That’s got to be the worst part of being a WWE Creative Team member. You’re tasked with searching #SheamusShow for questions and you have to skip all the good ones (like “Big Show, will you drive your car to the arena at Night Of Champions or do you fear Sheamus will steal and shit in it”) in favor of “do you like wrestling RT if u agree” and “what is you’re are favirote color”.
- Sheamus not wearing any pants to a formal debate. At least Rhodes Scholar had the wherewithal to bring this up later.
- Sheamus not being able to go one segment without doing something prejudiced as f**k. Here he can be seen pretending to be Mexican by holding a plastic Rey Mysterio mask to his face, which would be fine I guess if he hadn’t drawn a CHEECH MUSTACHE ON IT.
Also, saying “arriba” for no reason, because that’s what Mexicans do. Man, Sheamus has got to be the most casually, verbally-insulting racist character they’ve ever done. He just demeans everyone’s culture and smirk-snarks about it so everyone cheers. Big Show should’ve just screamed THIS GUY’S A RACIST and punched him in the face to thunderous cheers.
Worst: AJ Lee Is A Horrible Person, And
Best: Wade Barrett Gives AJ A Little Real Talk
WWE’s YouTube channel combined these segments into one, and I guess they go together in that one is about AJ interacting with someone who cares about her well-being, and one is about her interacting with somebody who has absolutely zero time for her shit.
In the first one, AJ introduces her “executive coach” to Kaitlyn, who was minding her own business and tying her shoes in full wrestling gear with her boobs hanging out because she’ll be “ready to go next week”. Anyway, without provocation, AJ launches into this big apology about how she’d treated Kaitlyn badly and hoped they could be friends again. Then, for no reason, she starts troll-facing and cackling like Vickie Guerrero about it, laughs in Kaitlyn’s face and bails. So, uh, has anyone figured out if we’re supposed to like AJ yet, or are we supposed to just keep liking her less and less until they can remove her from the GM position without complaint, release her unceremoniously and pretend like she never got herself over? Seriously, the previous segment featured a guy pretending to be Mexican on Tout and AJ might still be most morally-unenjoyable person on the show.
In the second segment, Wade Barrett speaks for the trees and calmly tells AJ that she sucks at her job because she doesn’t make any sense and lets her personal issues get in the way of professional successes. Then, like Wade Barrett should, he politely excuses himself. AJ just stands there derp-facing and doing nothing because Wade is totally right, then later takes out all her frustrations on a board-appointed coach because she’s got an inferiority complex or whatever and only lords her power over the lowest-level employees … referees, NPCs, etc. When someone like Wade or Vickie Guerrero gets in her face, she cowers or screams like a 10-year old. She’s gone from being the most progressive female character they’ve ever had to being a terrible, 65-year old man’s interpretation of what a “young woman” is — irrational, incapable of handling pressure and at the mercy of the powerful boys. Just awful.
Wade f**king rules it, though.
WWE Fan Nation wants you to believe that Ryback handily defeated Tensai with two “Meathook” clotheslines. It, uh, didn’t exactly work out like that. Here’s what they missed. If you need to throw some ‘Rescue: The Embassy Mission’ music behind it, go for it.
WWE’s got a thing where they’ll do something cool on Smackdown, and if they like it enough, they’ll do it again shot-for-shot on Raw. This was an attempt to recreate the magic of Ryback throwing Tensai’s slippery dugong body around like a child’s on Smackdown. At some point between last night and last Tuesday, that stopped working.
Poor JR tried his best to rationalize it, being all TENSAI BLOCKED IT, HE BLOCKED IT I THINK and Cole went to the “another weapon in his arsenal” well, but it was too late, mostly because Antonio Cesaro shoot lifted a heavier dude like it was nothing like 20 minutes earlier.
I can’t wait for Jarry Lawler to come back so we can pronounce things correctly.