Best: Hey, I Have That Hoodie
If you were around for the Best And Worst Of WWE SummerSlam 2012 Live, the folks at THQ and WWE Games were kind enough to invite me out to Los Angeles for SummerSlam weekend. Part of that was being at Axxess for the roster reveal, part of that was attending the WWE ’13 panel and getting to shake hands with Paul Heyman, and part of that was a goodie bag with a John Cena Wrestling Buddy (“Time for a throwback!”) and a WWE ’13 hoodie. Lo and behold, fast forward two months and there’s CM Punk in the ring on Raw wearing my hoodie. If I’d gotten the Sheamus buddy instead of the Cena my entire goodie bag would’ve shown up on Raw by now.
In a related story, the Stone Cold version of WWE ’13 showed up at my front door like 40 minutes ago, and it is the MOST DIFFICULT THING IN THE WORLD to keep writing a wrestling column when I could stop, put a disc into my PS3 and start Ace Crushing folks with Big Johnny. THE MOST DIFFICULT THING.
Best/Worst: Team Hell In A Cell Matches Vs. Team Other Half Of Hell In A Cell Matches
Lucky for me, WWE didn’t do anything cool or inventive (“A REMINDER, I DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT ONE REF THING, BYE AGAIN”) with their Survivor Series main and instead organized a big Raw-style “rivals only wrestle each other, no matter what” elimination match with Punk, Rhodes Scholar, Miz and Del Rio against Ryback, Team Hell No, Kofi Kingston and Randy Orton. It doesn’t matter that Punk’s feuded with everybody on his team except Sandow and should still hate them, or that Punk actually has storyline friends on the show and could’ve gotten THEM on his team. It also doesn’t matter that Randy Orton has done wretched things to most of his team and should be a way bigger enemy to them than the smarmy guy with the belt who thinks people don’t respect him enough.
The only thing that matters is how awesomely inappropriate the Survivor Series undercard is going to be if they’ve only got 3 weeks to prepare and everybody worth a shit from Hell In A Cell is in one match. Usos versus Stansky and Rosenberg, welcome to pay-per-view!
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
That fat Power Ranger isn’t a child Antonio, that’s Rey Mysterio.
They just need to have an episode of raw start hangover style. No one knows what happened on smack down, just a tiger and a postcard from mars for clues, and jr is missing.
I thought Punk was gonna end that promo with “…..btw Triple H is pretty cool. Good guy. Where’s he been lately? Here’s a video looking back at his career highlights.”
Thank God Ziggler showed up. I haven’t seen such wooden actors since my marionette play.
“Forget 640K, 3MB is all you’ll ever need.” – Bill Gates, 2012
Ms. Ryback’s baby boy.
Golden Girls Gone Wild
Heymans team is like leaving your Fantasy football team on autodraft
Dolph Ziggler: “John Cena and AJ Lee are two of my favorite people in th-” *flying shoulder block*
“What the f**k is breast cancer?”
—me, every November 1st
Come on AJ. Go into Pinkamena mode!
Best: Happy Halloween, Everybody
And remember … I’M THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!