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It Will Be A Long Time Before The Internet Forgives Lance Armstrong

By 10.22.12

The International Cycling Union has decided that based on the findings of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency’s extensive report on Lance Armstrong, the 7-time Tour de France winner has been officially stripped of all of his titles. Upon making and announcing the decision, ICU President Pat McQuaid poured a glass of elk’s blood, struck a match on a child’s forehead and lit his cigar before cackling with the echoes reaching the bottom of the world’s deepest trench.

“Lance Armstrong has no place in cycling and he deserves to be forgotten in cycling,” McQuaid said at a news conference. “This is a landmark day for cycling.”
“I was sickened by what I read in the USADA report,” McQuaid said, singling out the testimony of David Zabriskie. “The story he told of how he was coerced and to some extent forced into doping is just mind boggling.” (Via Fox Sports)

Is landmark really the right word here? I know this is monumental and unprecedented, as who can remember the last time that a sport figuratively eviscerated its greatest champion and every shred of credibility that cycling and especially the Americans had left? I just feel like “landmark” doesn’t reflect how awful this mess is. Maybe McQuaid could have made up a really terrible world like “monuterrorawfulAIDSbiebermental”. That’s a good word.
Surprisingly, Armstrong has already commented, telling a group of cyclists at a Livestrong event that he’s “been better” and “been worse”, as whatever’s left of his credibility is stomped into the mud by people who have behaved just as despicably as he reportedly has. (Except, you know, without all of the charity work and inspiration for cancer patients.) But I spent some time this morning trying to sort through the media and fan responses – both good and bad – and it seems that the hot fad right now is basting Armstrong with hate and baking him in the oven at 450-degrees for the rest of the eternity.
After the jump, check out some of the more colorful fan responses to Armstrong’s misdeeds. Seriously, people are pissed.

This is an actual bracelet that the Onion is selling now.
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Possibly the most regrettable tattoo. ( )


TAGSCYCLINGdrugs are badINTERNATIONAL CYCLING UNIONLANCE ARMSTRONGmeme watchThe InternetUSA! USA! USA!

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