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A Weekend Of Sports At Austin’s Fun Fun Fun Fest 2012

By 11.05.12

I'm gonna try to win the Pulitzer with this one.

Austin, Texas, has 8-10 festivals every weekend, but this weekend was a big one: the 7th annual Fun Fun Fun Fest, featuring a reunited Run DMC, everyone from Public Image Ltd to X to f**king Kreayshawn and a cannon that shoots tacos. It’s the weird little brother of SXSW, and it’s the best.
It’s also full of sports, and because 1) I was there, and 2) I run a sports blog, I documented all of it to share with you here. I actually got to participate in some of it, too. My jobs as a returning judge for the Air Sex Championships and hosting gig for a veggie hot dog eating contest got me billed as a “Yellow State Artist,” meaning I performed (as it were) on the same stage as David Cross, Eugene Mirman, H. Jon Benjamin, Saul Williams and a magician who did a racist ventriloquist act and pulled ribbons out of a chicken’s ass. It was one of the coolest, best experiences I’ve ever had, and that’s not even mentioning how I got a crowd of hipsters to join me in a Daniel Bryan “YES” chant.
Inside this Golden Treasury of sports photos you’ll find:
– Skateboarding and BMX at “Ride The Plank,” sponsored by Project LOOP
– Pro wrestling courtesy of local pals Anarchy Championship Wrestling
– Mechanical bull riding
– The aforementioned Air Sex Championships, which gets covered a lot on With Leather these days and is exactly what it sounds like.
– The veggie hot dog eating contest
Stick around until the very end to see a shirtless fat guy in a horse mask squaring off against a punk rock pornstar. That is not clickbait, that actually happened. I love you, Fun Fun Fun Fest.

Rachel Summerlyn headlocks Thomas Shire. All eyes on the science, please.
El Generico!

On day 3 we got the ACW Drinking Game, a match where if you get thrown out of the ring for any reason, you have to drink.

It was enjoyed more by some than others.

Also on day 3 we got a death match, which featured chains, thumbtacks and people jumping off the BMX ramp onto each other.
Your competitors. I was lucky enough as a Notable Austin Vegan to host this event, and it was exactly as gross as you’d imagine.
Helping out with the dog tally: a giant bottle of mustard and “Hot God”. Get it?
A taco eating a hot dog.

Me getting a YES chant going. Even non-wrestling fans (and non-vegans) (and non-vegan non-wrestlers) love the YES chant.
A crowd surfing hot dog. THIS HAPPENED.
Two competitors tied with exactly 12 hot dogs, so they had to square off in a sudden death, Lady And The Tramp-style hot dog-off.

And your winner with 12.65ish hot dogs: DOG HAMMER~!
This poor lady had no idea how many times I had to see her boobs this weekend.
There’s another one, probably.

And now, my favorite competitive sport where people pretend to f**k something invisible, Air Sex.
Your prestigious judges: me, David Liebe Hart of ‘Tim & Eric’ fame and Studio8’s Brock LaBorde.

Yes, this is happening.

A legitimate porn star (Burning Angel’s “Miss Genoicde”) enters the fray!
Game changer.
And your winner!
See you next year, weirdos!


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