Best/Worst: Letting Seth Rollins And Roman Reigns Talks Defeats The Purpose Of Putting Them In A Thing With Dean Ambrose
I am going to have a terrible relationship with these guys.
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. I got this tweet last night:
I get a few of those every week now. The thing is, I don’t ride Ambrose’s junk. I never have. I think Mox is a solid wrestler who can do good work, but I was never lit on fire by his stuff on the indies, especially his promo style, which is the easiest to ape promo style ever. That pacing back and forth, running your hands through your hair and occasionally SCREAMING thing only works for me in small doses. Hell, Eddie Kingston does it better than Mox. I’ve never been a Tyler Black fan, either. On the pantheon of how I feel about former ROH guys, he’s closer to Roderick Strong than Bryan Danielson. I have never had a thought about Roman Reigns beyond, “lol, Leakee”.
The problem is that I’m a Guy On The Internet who has made a small name for himself as an opinionated wrestling columnist type, so OF COURSE I worship any wrestler who started off on the indies and wasn’t made in the WWE developmental machine. I understand where they’re coming from. I used to BE that guy. I bought a Jody Fleisch comp tape once. No, seriously. But I grew up, and I decided to go to wrestling school, learn to watch matches more closely and decide what I did or didn’t think about wrestlers (or wrestling) based on my own observations, not what I read somewhere, or on what I was supposed to think. Or what I decided I was supposed to think. So yeah, I’m a super, super mark for independent pro wrestling. I would rather pay money to see Mr. Touchdown, ACH or Veda Scott than I would Ryback, Jeff Hardy or Kelly Kelly. But I don’t automatically want to see a wrestler more because they used to wrestle for 10 bucks down the street from my house. I want to see them because they excel at the parts of wrestling I love the most. That’s all you should ever do. Support the wrestlers who are good at what makes you love wrestling.
I’m happy that these guys are being brought up, because WWE could use some fresh blood to go along with those beautiful doses of Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro. I like that the segment gave the troupe a name, gave them a motivation (vague though it may be) and let them each say a little to establish their personalities. But to get to that emboldened “best,” Dean Ambrose sounds like a person when he talks and the other two don’t. Ambrose should talk for them, Reigns should be the strong, silent type and Seth Rollins should have at least half a roll of duct tape wrapped around his head until he learns to stop e-fed promo’ing every time he opens his mouth.
Dean Ambrose, am I right, you guys.
Worst: THE SHIELD~
I was going to call them ’24,’ but this is the less enjoyable, cable television equivalent.
Alternate joke: I hope this angle ends with Dean Ambrose murdering Seth Rollins with a grenade.
Alternate alternate joke: I would’ve called them ‘Sons Of Bossman’.
Best: UNF, Picture-In-Picture Tamina
Get it, girl.
This match wasn’t much more than Tamina trouncing Cobra Kai Alicia Fox and had its definite downsides — Tamina still can’t do the Superfly Splash to save her life, she’s still dressed like the Hulk Hogan Anthology and the announcers can’t decide whether it’s pronounced “Snucka” or “Snooka” — but BUSINESS NOT CASUAL Tamina is my favorite person on the show right now. I love that AJ is afraid of her. Tamina jumps her, AJ does nothing. AJ goes to the back to confront Vickie, Tamina puts her arm up between them, AJ does nothing. Then AJ’s all, “well, I COULD do a thing with Tamina, but, uh, OH HEY ROMANCE LET’S DO THAT OVER HERE INSTEAD” and Tamina’s just standing here waiting.
Worst: Vickie Guerrero’s Further Evidence Is Shut Up And She Hates You
I didn’t think these segments could get any worse, but somehow, every week, they find a way.
Cena selling a slap to the ass by dropping his microphone and all the rehashed “you’re just JEALOUS!” stuff was bad enough, but man, is there anybody left out there who still likes AJ as a character? She’s the most vile, bratty person on the show, and she’s on a show with SHEAMUS. I mean, yeah, if you’re thinking with your genitals (and they aren’t all over Dean Ambrose), AJ is still pretty spectacular, but … wow, just listen to the stuff that comes out of her mouth. It’s unfortunate that Vickie Guerrero made it a rule that GMs couldn’t sleep with talent, because her being the boss is the oooonly way she’s EVER GONNA GET A MAN! You know, except for her 15-year marriage to one of the greatest pro wrestlers of all time when she was just a lady from El Paso. Also, guess what AJ? When you’re the boss, “getting a man” isn’t the only thing of value in your life. Dolph Ziggler was absolutely right about you.
And speaking of poor Dolph Ziggler,
Worst: John Cena, In Total
he really looks like he’s enjoying that, doesn’t he
Tonight was the Greatest Hits Collection of reasons why people hate John Cena. On this exclusive, three-hour set!
1. Facetious promos! He doesn’t know where your gift of a bath robe has been, Vickie Guerrero! It was probably in your BUTT!
2. Seeing something somebody did well a few months ago (the AJ/Punk/Daniel Bryan love triangle) and deciding he’d like it for himself, then doing it as badly as possible!
3. Getting a clean win with his finish over an assumed pay-per-view opponent three weeks before the pay-per-view to “build drama”
4. Doing an injury angle to give him an excuse to look weak in said match, then winning the match anyway
5. Selectively selling the injury. Your knee hurts too much to jog when you need to be out of the ring, but it’s okay when you’re jumping and landing all weird and dropping down to your knees for the Attitude Adjustment or, you know, locking up a guy’s leg in the STF. Or CLIMBING THE ROPES AFTER THE MATCH. But it’s okay, because you made “whew” face and smiled about your knee!
6. Gross kissing (pictured)
7. The non-title angle finishing up way too early, so you just KNOW he’ll end up in that Punk/Ryback title match at TLC
And so on, and so on. Sometimes you aren’t as bad as people say you are, John, but right now you are absolutely it.
Best: This Guy Who Got Front Row Seats To Raw And Used His Prime Sign Real Estate To Make A Corny Bible Joke