Worst: How Do You Put A Kane Match After Three Good Matches And Damien Sandow?
I don’t know if I’d qualify Kane as an “awkward hoss” necessarily, but no amount of me thinking he’s funny outside of the ring can make me think he’s good IN it without Daniel Bryan yelling COME ON KANE somewhere in the vicinity. It’s made even worse when he’s in the ring with full-on mailing-it-in CM Punk in a match built around an expected Shield/Ryback confrontation following three good-to-great matches (Bryan/Mysterio, Cena/Ziggler and Sheamus/Cesaro) and a Damien Sandow appearance.
The match wasn’t terrible or anything, but it was Kane and Punk, and at the end of a three hour Raw it felt a lot like that 17th tacked-on ending to The Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King where you’re all “yes yes I assume Frodo would hug this guy, but seriously, take it home”. They could’ve went straight to the Shield/Ryback stuff and nothing would’ve been different. Punk getting a cleanish win over an upperish level guy is nice, but Kane isn’t exactly a threat these days.
Best: Daniel Bryan And Kane Are Friends!
The one thing I really loved about the closing segment was Kane being beaten up by The Shield. Destiny was all, “Daniel Bryan should come out and help!” I thought for sure he wouldn’t, because Daniel Bryan and Kane technically still don’t really like each other, but here comes Daniel Bryan running down to the ring to take a bullet to help save his pal. Never break them up. Not until Kane retires. If you split them up, let them keep the same relationship. It adds value to those times when Bryan’s all NO YOU CAN’T TEAM WITH THE MIZ YOU’RE MINE.
Best: Punk/Ryback At TLC Could Be The New Raven/Stevie/Pitbulls
This might be my optimistic bone talking, but I think Punk versus Ryback at TLC could be great. Hear me out.
One thing WWE is great at, but hasn’t done a lot, is the championship clusterf**k. A great example of this is that Stone Cold Steve Austin versus Dude Love match where Vince and the Stooges kept changing the rules that has been copied and diluted for years. Another is TLC 2, when Rhino, Spike Dudley and Lita all got involved on behalf of their teams. It’s sorta what makes Royal Rumbles so fun … a WWE clusterf**k manages to involve way too many people doing way too many things, but always meanders back around to the point. The king of this kind of match, as mentioned in the bold, is Raven and Stevie Richards versus The Pitbulls for the ECW tag team titles. Too many people doing too many things, but it all comes together and gels and works. Wrestling is batshit, and you shouldn’t be afraid to, at least from time to time, let the bat shit.
Punk’s facing Ryback in a TLC match, which they say means “tables, ladders and chairs are legal!” but effectively means anything goes. Unless something crazy happens in the next three weeks, that means The Shield will get involved (especially if the “injustice” of John Cena being added to the match happens, as I assume it will). That means you could involve people who have been wronged by The Shield to fight them off — Bryan, Kane, even Tyson Kidd and Santino. Hell, throw AJ and Ziggler in there if you have Cena involved. Then you’ve got a ton of guys out there throwing each other through whatever hell they can construct, and what better way for Punk to sneak out the victory? Dude’s got to hand that belt over to Rocky in January on a silver platter, at least let him go out in a blaze of glory.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
After the commercial, Ryback is seen reading his list of 1003 snacks.
I hope its three hours of Ryback chanting “Feed Me More” and Punk and the NX3 call his bluff just for the fun of it.
All I can imagine is a Venn Diagram where one bubble is “WWE Fans”, one is “fans of The Human Centipede,” and one is “Little person assplay enthusiasts” and the overlap is just the happiest six people in the world right now.
I’m Dean, this is Seth and Roman. We play in a Big Bossman tribute band called Hard Time.
Ugh, this new David Mamet play is TERRIBLE.
GOATS DO NOT HAVE FULL BEARDS
THERE IS A REASON THE WORD GOATEE EXISTS YOU MOTHERF**KERS
Ziggler: “Poor predictable Cena. Always chooses shoulder blocks.”
Cena: “Good ol’ shoulder blocks! Nothin’ beats ‘em!”
Big Show is really one upping Maria Kanellis tonight, first he steals her no sleeves hoodie look, then he has bigger boobs.
Is that “Let’s Go Ryder” chants or is this arena being haunted by Wrestling fans who died in late 2011?
Stay for the post-credits scene where Nick Fury recruits Bray Wyatt into the SHIELD.