Finally, all my complaining about these weak-ass Thursday night football games has come to an end with a real, honest-to-God fantastic game that is dripping with playoff implications. The almighty Dolphins head into Buffalo as the two teams tied for first place in the AFC East will look to separate what most analysts and experts are calling the closest race of two amazing teams in NFL history. Wait, what…
*trained messenger ostrich arrives from Ontario*
Oh Fonktar, you brought me a note! Ah, it seems the Dolphins and Bills are not tied for first place and they both indeed suck assballs. Well then, thank you yet again, NFL, for this exemplary matchup.
Thursday Night Football: Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills – 8:20 PM ET on NFL Network
I suppose it’s not entirely fair to say that the Dolphins suck, but they’ve still done an outstanding job of blowing games this season. The Bills, on the other unbiased hand, continue to baffle me. Is Ryan Fitzpatrick really the problem? I just don’t understand how that team is so bad. Well, other than the defense, that is. That Mario Williams contract is going to haunt that team.
NBA: Boston Celtics at Brooklyn Nets – 8 PM ET on TNT
NBA: Miami Heat at Denver Nuggets – 10:30 PM ET on TNT
These games aren’t terrible, so I’m not going to act like I would watch either one of them if NBC’s satellites shut down or I couldn’t watch the Dolphins piss me off on the NFL Network, but at 8:30 the 5-0 New York Knicks (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) take on the the 7 and… *YAWWWWWWWWWWWN*… 1 San Antonio Spurs. Whatever, it’s better than hockey, I guess. Oh damn, I’m sorry, NHL fans. I didn’t mean to go there.
Here, accept this picture of Paulina Gretzky as my apology…