Best: Hulk Hogan may ruin Impact, but he just made that person’s life
I’ve seen firsthand how the smarkiest, coolest wrestling fans can turn into giddy fanboys around Hulk Hogan. He may not know how to involve himself effectively in a television broadcast anymore, but the fact remains that he was the face of not one but two companies for a very long time, and always a perennial fan favourite. I may not agree with his role on Impact pretty much ever, but this is a man who genuinely knows how to treat fans, and the fact that he is still so well loved remains a testament to how legends to a little kid get to stay legends when those kids grow up.
Worst: Hogan has been around forever, might be suffering from dementia
Hogan claims that he’s been around to see the company grow from teeny tiny to FULL FLEDGED MONSTER, BROTHER.
2012 gave us Aces & Eights, forgotten storylines, terrible ratings and buy-rates, and Brooke Hogan. Not everything that happened this year was bad, but Hogan is delusional if he thinks the company is in some kind of golden age that tops everything else it’s ever done. It’s lost some of its best wrestlers, replaced them with people who probably shouldn’t be wrestling in the worst indie company you can think of, and regressed to glorifying the most socially unacceptable of opinions. I’m sorry, brother, but no. Just…no.
Worst: Six hulking dudes are chased off by one angry dude
So you’re telling me that big bad Aces & Eights, guys fueled by anger, an unshakeable gang mentality, and the cast-off wardrobe of Sons of Anarchy seasons 1 through 4 are afraid of a guy who runs like John Cena with a boner? Bully Ray is arguably in the best shape of his life, and I wouldn’t want to tussle with him, but you are six guys with a bat, a hammer, and a combined wrestling experience of at least 30+ years who have a deal saying Impact security can’t interfere with you being there. I’m gonna pull my best Howard the Duck face and say really? Really? There’s no way you can overpower Bully Ray and a man pushing 60 who can barely drag himself into the ring? Reallllly?
Worst: Hey Bully, maybe you should reconsider those blade jobs
Just because Ric Flair is gone and you’re about 75 pints of blood short of your Blood on TV quotient doesn’t mean Bully should keep blading himself. I’m personally not a fan of blading in the first place, but jeez. Is there anyone who thinks this looks okay?
Worst: Who ya talkin’ to, Jeff?
I hope Jeff Hardy pins up glamour shots of his opponents, talks to them to get himself ready for his matches, then takes them home to put into a Martha Stewart-inspired scrapbook he keeps in his hope chest, alongside a memory quilt Terri Runnels made from her old tube tops, and empty manic panic containers from 2001.
I want more like this!
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