Worst: The Only Thing That Would Make A Pro Wrestling Lie Detector Test Good Is The Question, ‘Is Your Job Real?’
The show’s main-event was a lie detector test that needed a different interview segment to set it up and a second backstage segment to create consequence, then didn’t bother following through with the lie detections. They didn’t even have R-Truth show up and hit the Lie Detector to see whether or not Punk was telling the truth. What the hell?
In a better world, the bad guy would be sarcastic and catty, and the good guy would be wittier or in the moral right or whatever and look better than him. Or, you know, the bad guy would do something rash and mean and make the crowd hate him more, so the audience would want to see the good guy kick his ass. Here, the bad guy and the good guy (if you can call them that) traded the most childish things they could think of off the top of their heads, tried to talk over each other, tried to zing each other with insider barbz, and the segment ended with five unrelated-to-the-segment guys fighting into the crowd and the bad guy being assaulted by a different good guy twice his size with three different weapons. I mean, I KNOW who is writing this, but I still can’t figure it out. Why did we even need a f**king lie detector test? Couldn’t this have all happened at the end of the first Miz and Punk yellfest?
Best: CM Punk Getting Regular Show’d
The only real highlight for me was Miz saying something asinine about Punk’s mom and talking over him with a Mordecai and Rigby-style OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH. Wrestling could stand to be a little more like the wrestling episode of ‘Regular Show.’ At least that had a ladder match with a clean finish.
For anyone wondering, yes, this makes John Cena Muscleman. Kofi Kingston is probably the Hi Five Ghost.
Blurst?: CM Punk Gets Knee Surgery
As I finished up this week’s column, this popped up on WWE.com:
WWE.com has learned WWE Champion CM Punk is currently undergoing surgery on his knee in Pensacola, Fla.
Last night, after Ryback drove him through a table, The Straight Edge Superstar took a late night flight to Florida for an emergency consultation with Dr. James Andrews. A review of his condition resulted in the WWE Champion’s immediate surgery today.
WWE.com will continue to report on Punk’s condition as more details become available.
This could just be CM Punk showing up on Raw in a fake cast to say he’s not medically cleared to face Ryback or whatever, but man, if Dolph doesn’t finagle a way to use his briefcase on the WWE Championship and cash in before TLC to keep it out of Cena’s hands, he is the stupidest person. It’s his fault for not cashing in when Sheamus hit Show with a chair 60 times, but whatever. And yeah, I know the briefcase is for the World Heavyweight Championship, but Raw featured a GM’s assistant showing up to change a match and put two championships on the line in a Twitter poll, I think they could figure out how to explain it.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to “Whose Show Is It, Anyway?”, where the GM’s are made up and the matches don’t matter.
Don’t hit them in their vests! That’s where they keep their solidarity!
Here is a list of all my favorite lie detector segments of all time:
The only difference between this and the MizTV is a couch.
I wish Dolph Ziggler and Mickie James were a thing so WWE could call them “Ziggy Piggy”.
In anybody else’s hands, a microphone is just a microphone. In Miz’s hands, it’s a pike bung.
Oops Pow Surprise
Return of the Brad! (There it is!)
Return of the Brad! (Come on!)
Return of the Brad! (Oh my god!)
John John The Bastard
It’s like a boy turtle and lady turtle about to mate.
GO HOME, TEDDY. YOU ARE DRUNK
“Is your name CM Punk?”
“That’s a lie. Good night everybody.”
Good night, everybody.