Best – Let’s recap! And then add more stuff!
We kick off this week with a (thankfully) edited recap of what happened last week. I say thankfully, not for removing Brooke Hogan letting the world know that her boobs were out, but for not showing DOC with a death grip on her as she’s struggling to pull her dress up. Mike Knox backed off once he realized! DOC, you are doing something worse than Mike Knox. Take that in. You are terrible and I hate you, and if I never have to hear you sneer “YES DADDY” as you manhandle a woman who is in actual distress again it’ll be too soon. Oh, and Tazz is part of Aces & Eights because…oh my god, who even knows anymore.
But that’s not the part that gets the brunt of this best. TNA gives us some post-show footage of the wedding’s aftermath, and it truly is a gift to all of us who had to put up with another BIG REVEAL. To further perpetuate Hogan’s journey of understanding and redemption, we see a prone, injured Hulkster reach out to take the hand of his previous perceived enemy in Bully Ray. Is this it? Has he finally rid himself of his whispering demons, and is now prepared to accept his former friend and current betrayer as a future son? And how has it taken so many years for Hulk Hogan to be involved in a compelling, well written (kind of) storyline?
After this touching continuation of the saga of Hulk Hogan, he is then helped from the ring by a still half-naked Christian York. Obviously York didn’t have much time when he moved out of his room in the sewers below Manhattan, and only had enough room in his carry-on for his wrestling gear and about thirty jars of hair wax. Longtime friend Tommy Dreamer and newly-befriended Joseph Park do the same for Bully Ray. I like to think that Joseph Park is never actually naked, but rather his natural state is in a track suit. Like how Clark Kent always has his Superman costume under his clothes, but obviously way cooler because he’s Joseph Park, and Joseph Park is the best and is always prepared to wrestle and warm my heart.
Best: Mike Tenay
Guys, Mike Tenay is so upset. He’s fuming! He can barely even look at the camera! Now, I know Mike Tenay is not good at his job. Anyone who has listened to him call a match at any point in his career knows that he is not good at his job. He has never gotten a best before, and short of him miraculously morphing into Leonard F. Chikarason I doubt he will again. I like to think that, instead of acting, he’s the last person in the industry to not know that all of this is fake, and he is legitimately upset that his stumpy commentator friend Tazz has joined the evil biker gang that is, for some reason, wreaking havoc at work. I hope that one day, when Tenay finally overcomes his fear of water and sails out of our lives on the Santa Maria, he’ll look back at his time in TNA fondly, and not just tell Eric Bischoff to go f-ck himself.
Actually, I really hope he does that.
Best: WE ARE SO EXCITED TO BE PARKING THESE MOTORBIKES, Y’ALL
Parking in the Impact Zone on show day is brutal. I would be excited too.