The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 1/14/13: Knockin’ On Weight Watchers’ Door, Get It, You’re Fat

By: 01.15.13

Worst: There Are Few Things I Hate More Than A MizTV Segment, Jesus Christ

I love Ric Flair, but man, I really don’t ever want to see another MizTV. When Piper did Piper’s Pit, you always got the idea that he’d brought his guest on for a reason, be it to answer a question or confront them about something or beat them up. Sometimes it went wrong for him, but he was always the focal point, the guy who moved it forward and made it memorable.

What exactly is Miz trying to accomplish with MizTV? Like, what’s his goal? To just get more TV time? He brought Ric Flair onto his show last night to more or less ask him if he liked Raw. These segments are just placeholders for somebody to interrupt and start something, and it’s always the same. If more effort went into writing the reason FOR the segment, I think the segment that develops FROM it would mean more. Right?

And furthermore, when did Ric Flair stop wooing because he’s a condescending piece of shit consumed by his own made greatness, and start wooing because he’s Curly from the Three Stooges and can’t control his brain? When I see a guy shuffling around going “woo woo woo woo woo” I don’t think of classic Ric Flair, I think of Dr. Zoidberg.

Note: Miz mentioned it in passing, but that Ric Flair playing musical chairs with Stacy Keibler and Tyson Tomko and Tajiri is, shockingly, one of the best things they’ve ever done on Raw.

Worst: Antonio Cesaro Should Be Allowed To Say Whatever He Wants Without Being Attacked, Because He’s Your Superior

I know, I know. I like the heel more, so I’m sympathetic to his point of view. I brought this up on Twitter last night, mentioning how Cesaro said he was going to be the bigger man and walk away before Flair and Miz (the good guys) jumped and assaulted him. Somebody responded with, “yeah, but he interrupted and insulted them.”

It’s an interesting question. Is interruption and insulting an excuse for physical violence? I feel like the heel should probably always throw the first punch, unless it’s some built-up situation where the face has been desperately trying to get his hands on him or whatever. Here, Cesaro was just doing what any athlete facing a challenge (Miz) does — he talks shit about them to get in their head. And like Cesaro said, all Flair and Miz can do at this point is fall back on their catchphrases, because they’re lazy Americans. He spits the truth, and two guys jump him. That also seems important. Miz didn’t just get the better of him, TWO guys jumped the U.S. Champion.

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned. They could’ve, I don’t know, had Cesaro shove Flair or something before the chopping and stuff. I don’t want to see Flair wrestle again and compromise his “last” WWE match, but I really really really want to see Cesaro launch him into the air, then uppercut him as he’s coming down sideways.

Best: Miz And The Figure Four

The important development in this — I hope — is Ric Flair “passing the torch” of the figure four leglock to the Miz. The announcers made a big deal out of it, so I’m hoping it’s important. THESTINGER said something about it last night, and I agree: I would like Miz a hundred times more if he used the figure four.

I don’t know if the “Nature Boy” gimmick would work with a new wrestler, because it would ignore the original intent of the nickname — to represent a blonde-haired (real or not) “natural athlete” and evoke a song you probably remember from Moulin Rouge — and whoever got it would just be doing a Ric Flair impression, but the TNA genesis of the name remains important. If you can give a guy like Miz the figure four and let him have a classic wrestling submission tent-pole, you’ve improved him tenfold. Give him a robe instead of a t-shirt, plaid suit or weird leather buckle jacket, and you’re close to where you need to be.

Still, if Miz was “given” the figure four by Flair, people are gonna pop for it whenever he uses it.

Worst: Dolph Ziggler’s Catchphrase

Firstly, how DARE you have a wedding montage and not include the three greatest wedding moments in WWE history (in order):

1. Gene Snitsky’s poem

2. Teddy Long having a heart attack

3. Eric Bischoff’s Scooby-Doo reveal during Billy and Chuck’s wedding

Secondly, “Show … OFF!” has to be the very lamest catchphrase they’ve come up with in a long time. Dolph, you need to stop trying to make “fetch” happen.

The only thing I liked about this was Big E Langston’s “jesus, when is this going to be over” expression throughout most of it. AJ turning into Dean Ambrose when Big E brought up her wedding was pretty great, too.

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