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The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 1/28/13: The One Where Tensai Dances In Ladies Underwear

By / 01.29.13

Worst: PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS, HOW DO THEY WORK

I think you and I had the same two problems with Mr. McMahon’s personal performance evaluation of Paul Heyman.

- Paul Heyman isn’t technically an employee of WWE, right? I mean, he IS, but in kayfabe he’s an independently contracted manager for CM Punk.

- Not to keep harping on it, but yeah, Vince McMahon was relieved of his day-to-day duties as C.O.O. by Triple H forever ago. They cried. Triple H told Pop he loved him. Then one day McMahon showed back up like nothing had happened and started ordering everybody around again, because wrestling fans have the memory of a turnip, and wrestling writers have the memory of the dirt that birthed it.

Also, performance evaluations are a scheduled thing. You can’t just show up the second somebody does something you dislike and be all NOPE, PERFORMANCE EVALUATION. So no performance evaluation should be happening, none of the people involved should be involved, and the last 15 minutes of Raw should probably be a match. All agreed?

Best: Paul Heyman Getting All HBO Drama On Brad Maddox

Heyman was fantastic in the performance evaluation, though, not only in the ring (where he got to deliver an amazing soliloquy about how he’s an awful person who deserves death a la Michael Madsen in Kill Bill) but in that atmospheric “secret footage” (from 4 of the 6 writers of “John Cena And AJ Are At A Hotel Together”) as well. It had a little too much exposition, especially if it’s supposed to be incriminating footage, but it came together well, and Maddox was great as a wormy guy who’d kept pushing and kept pushing and ended up in way over his head. I also enjoy The Shield as SHADOW MONSTERS.

My heart began to sank when they got to the YERRRR FAHRRR part, but THEN!

BEST: WELP, HERE COMES DA PAIN

WHERE THE F**K WERE YOU YESTERDAY

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night

Joelski

“Before retiring, Bob Backlund took a position at Jackson-Hew- THISISHOWEEDOOOOEEeeeEEeettttt”.

Robert Denby

Dimensions:

Fred Flintstone: 2

John Cena: 1

Lobster Mobster

JORTS ST. PIERRE

GregVersion2

What has six eyes, thirty fingers, and just beat the hell out of Ryback?

Dagotron

This better all be an elaborate distraction while Triple H and ten other guys rob the Bellagio, because there’s literally no other explanation for this shitshow.

IrishCream

One day, I just want Cody to win via a Dusty finish, that way Dusty could confront him the next day.

Dusty: “Where did you learn how to do that, huh? Who taught you? TELL ME!”

Cody: “I LEARNED IT FROM YOU, DAD!”

Fancy Catsup

He’s duct taping him to the Undertaker’s symbol!

burgermike

If The Rock played a member of Seal team 6 in Zero Dark Thirty I’d have rooted for Bin Laden.

Delsaber

I’m having trouble understanding The Rock since I don’t speak Juggalo.

ScooterMcGooch

The Teddy Long Roulette Wheel only has two spaces, “HOLE ON A MINNET PLAYA. SPIN AGAIN.” and “TAG MATCH”.

See you guys next week.


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TOPICS#BEST AND WORST OF RAW#WWE#WWE RAW
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