Thing that happened: Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle
While this week’s episode was so much better than last week, it’s still just a lot of “so…that was a thing that happened.” It wasn’t a great match, but it’s the best either of these guys have looked in a while, so it’s definitely not a worst. It’s just….Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle. Shrug city. I feel the only worst I could really give is the missed opportunity for some backstage exposition. Joe and Angle were part of a foursome that became a twosome because of the TOTES UNPREDICTABLE reveal that Brischoff were part of Aces & Eights. They now have to further divide themselves by wrestling against each other. There’s no “Hey, I’m glad you’re here to stick it out with me, but I think we can both agree that the World Heavyweight Championship is a pretty big deal, and something we both want, so let’s just go out, give it our all, and may the best man win.” But thank god we got to hear Brooke Hogan speak, right guys?
Best: lol Brischoff
Worst: Oh hey, an inter-gender trios match! This could be fun OH HOLY HELL WHAT HOT GARBAGE IS THIS
I’m sorry, but as someone who did not watch Gut-archy in the UK, TNA has done their damndest to make sure I have zero interest in watching any of the four competitors, and zero confidence in their ability to wrestle. The only way I will accept the Blossom Twins after a tag move on Tara that was so awkward I was afraid they broke her neck is if they literally become the Blossom Twins, start wearing overalls, hats with turned up brims and giant sunflowers, and refer to Party Marty exclusively as Six. Or just replace him with the actual Six. Jenna Von Oy is a great wrestling name, and I’m pretty sure she could make that suicide dive connect a lot better than Party Marty did. Also, she could change it to Jenna Von Oi! and give Christina Von Eerie a badass punk rock tag team partner. Then MASADA could show up and say “WHOA!” every time they hit their finisher and it would pretty much be the greatest thing to ever happen to independent wrestling ever.
Worst: The last three sentences I wrote will never happen
Default Best: FLOWER GIRL MECHA SHIVA
Worst: RVD vs. The Superkick of the Cowboy James Storm
Sigh. Let’s just…move on.