Best: Daniel Bryan Vs. Chris Jericho, Obviously
Remember that really great match on the first episode of NXT, when rookie Daniel Bryan took on surly veteran Chris Jericho and it was kinda-sorta a dream match but not really, because one guy was an “Internet Favorite,” which meant he had to be punished for a year before they’d let him do anything but lose?
Now he’s a former World Heavyweight Champion and one of the most popular people in the company, and he’s wrestling spunky babyface Chris Jericho in an 11-minute match on Raw. And, uh, he’s still losing. But PROGRESS. That’s so cool. Now let’s give them 20 on a pay-per-view, or at least let them start off the Elimination Chamber and kick a little ass before Mark Henry’s sheer will of girth explodes his pod and wigs are split.
Best: The Glorious Death Of 3MB
Two quick truths:
1. No, I am not particularly happy to see Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal jobbed out in the extreme to WWE’s obnoxious Superfriends, especially when the tag team division is on life support and could really stand to include a Slater/Drew Mac team and maybe let them develop the 3MB characters beyond “we mention music and lose.”
2. This is absolutely what 3MB should be doing.
If you need guys to die hilarious deaths, 3MB are the ones you want dying. The match played out like it should’ve, with Slater trying to show up Ryback only to get humiliated, Drew McIntyre doing a little better than he should against Sheamus because they have the longest history together and everyone on the other team automatically losing when John Cena tags in. That’s just how you write it. You end it with bodyslam finishes in the triplicate and bam, you’ve got an effective trios showdown on Raw.
Seriously though, if Cena and Orton combined could beat the entire Raw roster (and don’t forget, that has happened), Cena plus TWO Randys Orton should be unstoppable. As much as I want to see The Shield win at Elimination Chamber (since it’ll be what, their second match in like four months?), that match should pretty much play out like this one.
Extra Special Best: Jinder Mahal Says What We’re All Thinking
I know it didn’t work out well for you, but I’m your fan forever now, Jinder.
Worst: Alex Riley, Total Shithead
Firstly, I don’t watch Smackdown very often, so I’m going to pretend I didn’t just see a recap of Alberto Del Rio stealing The Big Show’s tires because he’s Mexican.
Secondly, leave it to good ol’ A-Ry to show up on Raw for like five seconds and make everybody watching hate his guts. Man, what a terrible person Alex Riley is. He chills backstage in his backwards cap, hanging out with a guy who barely speaks English because that’s probably the only guy who’ll think he’s cool and laugh at his jokes, spreading a bunch of name-cally gossip and getting punched out like a dingus at the first sign of danger. He can’t even sell being knocked out properly. He goes A-HUHHH as he’s falling down. And that attempted fist bump on Yoshi Tatsu? Holy shit.
Best: The Best Matt Striker Interview Ever
In a perfect world, this becomes the outline of every Matt Striker interview. “Excuse me Sheamus, I wanted to get your ARGH BROGUE KICK” collapse boom dead.
Big Show is the best. I don’t know what’s in store for him at Elimination Chamber, but my two best fantasy booking options involve him. In the first, he and Alberto Del Rio double-KO each other (or whatever), allowing Ziggler to cash in Money In The Bank and win the World Heavyweight Championship. Daniel Bryan wins the Elimination Chamber, possibly eliminating Kane last, and we get a 25ish-minute Daniel Bryan/Dolph Ziggler World Heavyweight Championship match at WrestleMania to make up for 18 Seconds-Gate. Del Rio and Big Show get put into a Money In The Bank ladder match at Mania, because those matches should REALLY only be happening at WrestleMania, and because they’re always better when rivals are involved.
In the other, Big Show defeats Del Rio clean via KO. Daniel Bryan wins his Chamber match (see a trend forming here?), setting up a month-long Show/Bryan feud. Show takes out Kane, possibly all the way into retirement, and Bryan has to beat him at Mania for the title and for FRIENDSHIP. They have a hard fought back-and-forth thing that ends with Bryan pulling off a miraculous victory, only for Ziggler to cash in THEN and end Bryan’s second run at WrestleMania in 18 seconds. It gives Bryan a great match at Mania while maintaining the “WrestleMania curse” thing they’ve got going on with him, gives us another month of Big Show heel awesomeness and sets up Ziggler/Bryan for a Spring series of pay-per-view main events for the strap.
In my third scenario, Ziggler never cashes in the briefcase and John Cena is awarded two MITB briefcases as a penalty.