The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 3/13/13: Everyone Knows It’s Windy

By: 03.18.13

Best: The aforementioned thoughts and feelings, or, Danielle has had too much time to think about this

Now, it’s said that TNA has the next six months planned out, and this is basically how they’ve been working for the last little while. Usually I don’t trust TNA as far as I can throw Jeff Jarrett, but I feel like in this case, things might actually turn out. It’s no Quackenbush two-year half Watchmen-themed plan, but thinking back I can see little seeds of greatness planted here and there in things that, at the time, made no sense or seemed completely terrible. Maybe now they’ve realized that people do and will watch on a continual basis if presented with intriguing enough storylines and a little thing called continuity that gets ignored by…well, most television shows in general, let alone wrestling.

Mostly this just makes me want to see Hogan revealed as the higher power in Aces & Eights, because again, it makes the most sense, and thinking it through gives me warm and fuzzy storyline feelings. In no way is the biggest reveal that Bully Ray is the President of Aces & Eights. It was impactful, sure, but remind me – how does he have the power to hire and fire? Assuming Ring Ka King isn’t canon (sorry Leopard and Puma *kisses hand, touches heart, points to sky*), how is DOC there? And our jolly friend Mike Knox? And all of those other guys, like that time Xamot was so clearly in the giant group of masked men who did some damage then were never seen again? It has to be someone in a position of power who can be convincing enough for guys like D-Lo and Anderson to follow him. Jeff Jarrett has no kayfabe power, he was “fired.” Bischoff has no kayfabe power, he was “forced out.” Hogan argues that they’re taking over the whole company, but two of the last legitimate positions of power that aren’t occupied by Dixie or Panda Energy are filled by a Hogan.

Let’s think about it logically for a second. Hogan was a heel “president” of TNA up until he lost to Sting at Bound for Glory 2011. This event also kicked off his face turn when he defended Sting from an Immortal run in. He put Sting over, everyone made up, and then Hogan went on hiatus. When he came back to Impact in February 2012, he was shown to be Garrett Bischoff’s trainer. In March, he accepted a position as General Manager from his good buddy Sting. By July, they were feuding with a mysterious group of playing-card themed masked men. He took a break for back surgery (because Hulk Hogan, oh god, your spine), then came back in August, attacking Aces & Eights.

Brooke also came to TNA in July, and by November had: made some questionable leadership decisions, hired Taryn Terrell, and was outed as being in a relationship with Bully Ray by Austin Aries, that lovable scamp.

Garrett Bischoff may actually be the one of the most interesting lynchpins in this whole thing. Garrett was a referee under an assumed name during the initial Hogan-Sting feud. He also went from “some guy” to “oh, that’s Eric Bischoff’s son” at Bound for Glory 2011, which was pivotal to Hogan’s face turn. He was made a part of the TNA roster by Sting, and it was revealed that Hogan had been his trainer. In March, when Hogan became GM, Garrett made it through two Beat the Clock challenges against Kurt Angle to make it to Lockdown, where he defeated his father in the Lethal Lockdown match, thus banishing Eric Bischoff from TNA.

He was then in a program for the television championship against Devon. They then teamed up, fought the Robbies, then went for the tag belts. The only reason they split up was because Devon “left” TNA. As we all know, Devon then returned in October a member of Aces & Eights in one of the most well-kept secret storylines TNA has ever pulled off. Garrett’s good friend Wes Brisco also showed up in October. By the end of January, both men were arm in arm with the Sergeant at Arms.

While Tazz was in place to manipulate the Gut Check votes, without someone in a position to hire on talent (and I use that term loosely in reference to DOC), the arrival of the rest of Aces & Eights doesn’t make sense. What if, after all of this putting Sting over, and saying he’s the best wrestler in the world, Hogan is actually just jealous? What if all of this, at the end of the day, is to both take over TNA and take everything away from Sting? Hogan may have had his Hulkamania glory, but maybe to him, Sting’s been the better wrestler and had the more respectable wrestling career. What if it’s to stick it to all of those little Stingers out there who chose rainbow face paint instead of the glory of red & yellow?

Guys. Seriously. I am literally a glass of wine, a skein of red yarn, and a Charlie Parker album away from going full-Carrie on this show. Either that or I am really, really good at justifying watching TNA so intently for so long. But in all honesty, while the execution may not always be the most pleasant to watch (sup Wes Brisco), you have to admit this is some top shelf narrative. And with the right people in each man’s corner, Sting vs. Hogan at Bound for Glory could actually be really, really good.

Best: Mecha Shiva, I love you so much it hurts

No, literally it hurts. I laughed so hard at this segment I actually fell off of the couch. Mind you, I was pretty precariously perched on the couch to begin with, and I was probably well on my way to falling over anyways, but you can’t put those two in matching bedazzled tank tops and not expect magic to happen or me to injure myself somehow.

Best: The return of Throwback Thursday

Hawk Daniels, Animal Kazarian… If you don’t remember that my favourite thing is wrestlers doing impressions of other wrestlers, let me remind you: it is my favourite thing.

/passes out

Worst: Drunk Uncle

James Storm, stop. Stop interrupting, stop making fights out of nowhere, go home, and call your sponsor.

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