The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 4/18/13: Eager Young Lads And Rogues And Cads

By: 04.19.13  •  51 Comments

Worst: Joseph Park does important business in the bathroom, has his work day interrupted

This legitimately made me uncomfortable. I suppose it’s actually a best for effectiveness, and I love how the colours of his suit call back to his brother Chris, you know, Abyss, but I do not care for this! And you’re ruining his fancy Abyss suit, guys! Man, Brooke was right. You are a jerk!

Worst: #DareToBe

Dare to be fearless. Dare to be glamorous. Dare to be free to jerk it to the Knockouts in plastic wrap bikinis without the disapproving gaze of Kurt Angle and Bobby Roode (or the oddly approving smirk of Austin Aries) staring at you from the website sidebar.

Best: Bad Influence, or, CANADA? THAT’S US!

From singing about being best friends, to making jokes sponsored by, they were genuinely the very best thing about the show last night. I popped so hard for the exchange rate joke it’s almost unbelievable, unless you know me and also know how darn Canadian I am. A little known fact about Canadians is that we will get excited literally every time someone mentions us in a positive light. My mom called me when Ben Affleck thanked Canada during his Oscar acceptance speech just to tell me that it had happened. You know when Mickey Foley will do his “right here in THIS CITY AND STATE” bit? It’s like that, but nation-wide. The second best part is how they handled the next worst…

Worst: Stop making gay jokes. Please.

Sometimes my habit of tuning out commentators who don’t work for Chikara is detrimental, especially when reviewing a weekly episodic televised wrestling show that involves commentary. Last week Tazz referred to two people as “homos.” That is a thing that was said on television in 2013 that was not preceded by “Don’t call people…” This week we get not one, not two, but multiple inferences that Bad Influence are, instead, BIG GAY HOMOSEXUAL MEN WHO ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER Influence. I know Aries and Roode are heels, and I know they get their “comeuppance” of sorts when Chavandez sneaks up behind them, but given the reaction of the crowd, I don’t think any of them sat back and thought “they’re calling them gay so we know they’re bad guys, because there is well and truly nothing wrong whatsoever with preferring the romantic/sexual company of someone who happens to be of the same gender make-up. I should boo them now.” There is a vast, vast difference between “You eschew the use of animal products for health and/or moral reasons. That is different than my diet so I will mock you now (mock you like mock chicken!)” and “You have a sexual preference that is different than mine so you must be shamed because it’s weird and wrong and lol gay blowjobs. Good luck with your rights and freedoms!” It’s unf-cking believable, and yet…here we are. So hey, TNA, you want people to stop looking at you as a second-rate piece of sh-t company? Maybe don’t let everyone run around acting like pieces of sh-t.

You know what? To be quite honest, the rest of whatever I would have to say are either Worsts, or negative things in general. After everything that has happened this week, and how downright awful wrestling on television has been in general since the last Impact, I’m tired. I’m tired of Impact being a bad product. I’m tired of watching people be cruel to each other, real or not. I’m tired of watching the news. I’m tired of victim-blaming and slut-shaming and racism and rhetoric and speculation and the media’s race to be first instead of the most accurate and responsible.

So let’s take a break. It’s the weekend! Do something fun. Make art. Make cookies. Watch those sea otter videos. Post more videos of sea otters. Post videos of things that make you laugh. Post wrestling matches that you like. Whatever makes you smile, and think will make someone else do the same. Be safe, be good to each other, watch this video of cats on treadmills, and know from the bottom of my heart that I care about you.

Around The Web