Brad Maddox trying to finish Vickie’s thoughts and only being able to come up with the last word was funny, but the highlight of the backstage Brickie/Team Rocket segment was AJ Lee finally utilizing the “Zigglypuff” nickname. And so,
Credit for that goes to The Internet, and specifically to that one guy who puts white text on pictures. That guy is hilarious*!
Seriously though, infinite cool points to the first person to turn Koffing into Kofing. “Kofing used JUMP. It’s super effective!”
*If you actually did make this, let me know and I’ll properly credit you. I have gotten it from way too many people.
Best/Worst: Ziggler Vs. Jericho Is Always Better On Paper, Or “Dolph Ziggler Can’t Win A Match, We Promise”
This is not meant to be as insulting as it’ll probably sound, but I think it may be time to accept that Chris Jericho isn’t very good in the ring anymore.
Heel Chris Jericho is my favorite wrestling character ever. Conspiracy Victim Jericho is the only character I can remember enjoying more than Willie Nelson Guitar Playing The Rock, and Best There Is At What I Do Jericho isn’t far behind. I’ve never liked the various incarnations of Face Chris Jericho (the Lionheart, Y2J, Cool Dad), but I always gave him credit for being good in the ring. 2008 Chris Jericho was doing some of the best in-ring stuff of that decade, I think, in both character work and pro graps.
But man, he’s just not doing it for me anymore. Remember his feud with CM Punk? It was bad. I wanted the WrestleMania match to be a show stealer, and while a lot of people overrate that match to a spectacular degree, it wasn’t what it wanted to be. The Fandango match at Mania 29 was pretty grody. None of his high-profile stuff has hit like it should, and there’s no better example of this than his matches with Ziggler during either of his return runs. On paper, it should be great. In reality, it’s just … kinda long. The match ending with one of the most tired tropes in WWE Land (“I have lost total control of the match and all my wrestling ability because a guy I hate’s music is playing!”) probably didn’t help.
I’m not going to fully Worst a 17-minute wrestling match on Raw (because when the rest of your matches are sub-3-minutes, even a BAD 17-minute match is a step in the right direction), but the crowd being dead for everything except Fandango’s music is not a great sign. Especially on a show where Taker, Team Hell No and The Shield proved that if the match is good, self-obsessed wrestling crowds will shut up and enjoy it.
Best: Ryback Joins Team Rocket, I Think
Is it weird that I don’t like Ryback’s shirt, but I kinda want to buy his hat? And hey, I don’t want to make the same “Ryback looks like the Lout Brothers from Ren & Stimpy” joke every week, but Jesus, seriously:
Best: Honestly, Tensai Vs. Cody Rhodes Could Be A Really Good Match
Here’s an awful thing I’m doing: I complained that the Ziggler/Jericho match could’ve been better, and I’m about to heap praise on four minutes of Cody Rhodes and Tensai. I know, I am the worst.
But no, I think these guys work well together. I mean, it’d be a lot better if Tensai wasn’t Also Funkasaurus and wasn’t positioned to get the win in under five minutes, but in my head I’ve got this great Giant Bernard vs. Mustache Cody Rhodes thing playing out and I love it. Tensai is the right combination of quick and strong, and Cody’s quicker, super easy to hate and prone to jumping around more than he should. It’s not there yet, but it’s the genesis of a really good thing. The genesis of the beginning of the start of a really good thing.
I’m sorta bummed at WWE for building Rhodes Scholars and Hoss Funk up for a WrestleMania match, ditching the Mania match, having the match in a throwaway spot on Raw, then feeling it necessary to start over and build them BACK up for a match at Extreme Rules, but … eh, what’re you gonna do.
Best: Maybe You Should’ve Looked At The Charts, Jerk
Things I liked about this:
1. The idea of Daniel Bryan and the Undertaker interacting is infinitely amusing to me, so much so that Bryan just standing around talking about how weird it is to interact with the Undertaker made me happy.
2. Confirmed: Undertaker doesn’t carry a cell phone. It makes it too easy to trace him when he mysteriously kidnaps/carjacks/tries to embalm/black marries people! Also, you can’t carry around a phone if you have lightning powers. That’s just dumb.
3. Bryan’s diagram:
LOVE IT. “ME” with arrows pointing in both directions to cover “SURPRISE” is wonderful, as is “SHIELD PT. 2,” which I’m assuming is Roman Reigns.
Things I did not like about this:
1. Maybe if you’d looked at the charts you wouldn’t have gotten jumped from behind, especially not when you’re in front of a camera, and
2. Maybe if you’d looked at the charts you could’ve had a gameplan other than “get in there and do our moves,” and you might’ve won the match.
Next time, look at the charts.
I want more like this!
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