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The Best And Worst Of WWE WrestleMania 29 Live

By 04.09.13

Worst: So Have They Just Given Up On The Cool John Cena Entrances Forever, Or What

The only way to make a “no Rhodes Scholars” realization worse is to follow it with Cena. The only way to make THAT worse is to give Cena the MOST BASIC-ASS ENTRANCE EVER.

One of my favorite things about wrestling were John Cena’s stupid WrestleMania entrances. I loved his Eminem MTV Awards rip-off clone army one, I loved him driving a car into the arena, I loved CM Punk as an old-timey gangster. His entrance at WrestleMania 24, the one with the marching band, is one of my favorite entrances of all time. Even when I didn’t like Cena, I could look to Cena’s Mania entrances as a cool thing to love. Then last year he just entered normally after Machine Gun Kelly played, and my heart sank. This year, he DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THAT.

Cena’s big WrestleMania entrance this year was to jog out spouting Muhammad Ali catchphrases, salute, jog to the ring with his terrible Scott Evil run and make a bunch of OH YEAH I’M READY faces at everybody. The f**k is that? I’ve got to watch a NORMAL John Cena match? DON’T DO THIS TO ME.

Worst: Cena/Rock II Was Garbage, But You Already Knew That

I had a conversation with Sims about this as we were leaving, and he’s absolutely right about it. Match ending sequences where guys struggle and reverse each others finishers a bunch of times are great, but not if you’re doing the same reversals over and over. Cena would just pick Rock up on his shoulder and Rock would land on his feet behind him. Every time. It was like they’d turned on infinite finishers in WWE 13 and were just spamming them, so OF COURSE they’re gonna kick out of the first 15 finishers they get hit with and reverse the rest of them. The finish to the normal John Cena match was the finish to a normal video game John Cena match, where you don’t give enough of a shit to try to hit his five moves of doom like you see on TV and just AA a guy when you can. Poof, fart, the end.

And … that’s how WrestleMania ends. With two guys who hate each other saluting and holding hands. Because now they are friends!

All in all, I loved the first half of the show, and was beaten into a sobby submission by the second half. I was happy to see my friends, I was happy to cheer for Fandango, Mark Henry didn’t lose and break my heart, and the stuff I assumed would be the asshole of pro wrestling delivered. I was pretty down on WWE, and spent most of Monday saying, “well, I hope the post-Mania Raw is good. That’ll make me feel better.”

Spoiler alert: I have been singing Fandango’s music all day. Hey WWE, here’s an idea. For next year’s WrestleMania, write WrestleMania and the post-Mania Raw, then do the Raw at Mania. Problem solved.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night

Shefty

I wasn’t gonna order Wrestlemania, but after the video package I saw while watching Wrestlemania, I am Sold.

Lester

It would be funny if Lillian Garcia was nodding along in agreement with Zeb in the background when the camera panned by her.

chistraub

So Swagger is bizarro Hogan at this point right? Only likes some Americans, can wrestle, no mic skills, and fans don’t care about him. It all makes sense now.

rishCream

“I am the cult of personality. I am the cult of personality! I am the cult…of personality. And I am the cult of personality.” – Motorhead singing Cult of Personality at Wrestlemania

Brocky

I want Taker to see a jedi ghost of Paul Bearer

Mr Grift

This has been a tough feud for HHH’s bodily fluids.

Son of Mecha Mummy

So I’m assuming we missed a backstage segment where Rhodes, Sandow, and the Bella Twins had an inconclusive argument over who got to be team captain.

SHough610

“history in the making”, this happened last year JBL. This is Malibu Stacy getting a new hat.

Isador

And now a promo video for Rock/Cena while the Rock/Cena match is happening.

Oboy

You know Punk is backstage laughing while packing his vacation gear


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TOPICS#BEST AND WORST OF RAW
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