As we’ve previously discussed, because the NHL does not have an exclusive contract with the big, ol’ fancy pants sports talkers and debate embracers at ESPN, it doesn’t get as much attention as the NBA Playoffs. It also doesn’t help that the NHL Playoffs are airing on NBC Sports and CNBC, two networks that most people couldn’t tell you channel numbers for if you held a lawnmower to their groins.
But just like I argued last year, when porn star Tay Stevens showed up to Stanley Cup Finals games and pressed her massive breasts against the glass behind New Jersey Devils coach Peter DeBoer’s head, there are certain things that NBC and the NHL could be exploiting in order to gain more attention and ultimately better ratings for what have been very exciting playoffs series thus far.
Our friend Erik Malinowski at BuzzFeed Sports Tweeted the above image of the “Celeb List” from last night’s New York Rangers-Boston Bruins Game 4 at Madison Square Garden, and it got me to wondering… Hmmmmmm… wonder with me, won’t you?
Obviously, there are some bigtime names on there. I mean, who wouldn’t want to go to a sports event with Liam Neeson? I’d pick fights with people just to threaten them with his special set of skills. But let’s take a look at the complete list.
Other than Neeson, I think Jason Bateman would be a lot of fun to watch a hockey game with, and if you sit with Will Arnett, you can keep asking, “Dude, what were you thinking?” And maybe Gavin DeGraw, because you could see some hot girls and be like, “Would you ladies like to hang out with me and Gavin De Graw?” and their clothes would fall off. But the bros aren’t going to bring us ratings, so let’s go ahead and talk about the names that will…
Seriously, NBC Sports, what the crap? You’ve got Kate Bock…
And Alyssa Miller…
And Natasha Barnard…
And for the sake of inclusion, let’s just say that Hannah Davis is Natasha’s plus one.
All of these models are supposedly at your huge Game 4, which the Rangers won 4-3 in incredibly exciting fashion to avoid being swept by the Bruins, and you’re not at least showing these women on camera every two minutes to attract more interest? I mean, I’d have a reporter bouncing from seat-to-seat – preferably Adaora Akubilo, literally bouncing – just to ask their opinions on the game that they’re watching.
Hell, if you insist on making people tune into a cable news network to watch sports, offer one camera that just shows the models watching the game. I guarantee your ratings will at least double*.
*My guarantees are meaningless and cannot be upheld in a court of law.
(Images via Sports Illustrated)
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