Bryce Harper is a 20-year old baseball phenom with lucrative endorsement deals, one bitchin’ Mercedes and a lifetime supply of Chipotle. I’ve also been told by strippers that he’s very handsome, but that means very little to me because my mommy tells me I’m the most handsomest man in the world. Regardless, there is very little to feel bad about when it comes to Harper, especially since he took that above picture with Brittney Palmer and then people started rumors that they were dating, and that’s pretty much the best thing that could ever happen to anyone.
So when Harper missed the Washington Nationals’ 7-3 win against the Chicago Cubs on Friday, there was obviously some concern among fans for Harper’s health. But because more people in Washington DC are concerned with Harper’s health than they are about stupid crap like healthcare or crime, the local media was quick to report that it was just a simple, harmless ingrown toenail.
And then, because people apparently asked him to, Harper Tweeted the pic of his toe right after the nail was removed. I’d warn you that this is graphic, but I’ve posted about Jon Jones’ “dislocated toe” three times, so get ready for a boo-boo.
Big deal. Stick it in a burrito bowl for an hour and walk it off, bro.